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It was a wild, wild Sunday on Blog Talk Radio. In fact, it was fucking Fabulous! First, there was a 2 hour Snackie Radio live from Jester’s house in NoCal. It was a VERY wild show. You can find the podcast here. After that, it was Hilly on Fab’s show, which was really just a continuation of the zaniness from her show. Here’s the podcast for Fab’s show. Next up was Turnbaby, who is REALLY fucking Fabulous. All in all, it was a wild night of BTR shows… except that there was a finale to this night that started after hours. It was a true after hours show that started at 8 pm Pacific time. Jester had a great 2 hour show live from his house with Hilly and other guests. Here’s the podcast. It was a fantastic night of radio.

Today’s Marcus photo is a black and white. I was gonna use one of the pics of him wearing sunglasses or the headband photo that I used in my very first incarnation of the Skankenberg avatar at Zanctuary. Instead, I found my eyes drawn to this picture. It’s a very low key image. There isn’t anything about it that just jumps right out at you. However, when you do look at it, click on it to see it full size. That’s when the symmetry of his muscles and the beauty of his bone structure leap out at you. It doesn’t hurt that his eyes have that come hither expression either.

On to the Marcus Award. I’ve added last weeks points to the total because it’s a recap week. Here’s how the point recap shakes out: Mary-85, Matt-66, Shinygal-60, Fab and Susan-54. That’s the top five. With Mary spending all her time as the mobile milk bar, someone else could totally take the prize from her. This contest is on until whichever week in June is a non-rent week. Which means, June 20 I think. The next recap will be June 9. There will be a break between the 20th and July 1 when the next contest starts. I need to come up with a different idea for awarding Marcus and I still need an idea for the Alaric Award.

In other contest news, I owe Jester a shirt, but I think he wants Dave’s cards instead. So when I buy Motley her cards I’ll order an extra deck for Jester. That tagline he came up with is perfect. The Absurdist got a Bite shirt (before I changed the logo) for inspiring the domain name. Still no winner on the Air France commercial, but I found out the director’s name: Daniel Askill, who is Australian. There’s still a chance for you to win this contest by finding out the name of the man in the Air France Pool commercial. If you go here, you’ll find some info on the commercial.

Hope you all have a great Monday!

Goo Goo Face

Winter Formal

Halloween

Happy Mother’s Day!

I gotta talk about the Bar today. The reason for this is that I’m looking for inspiration. Or motivation. Not sure which. It’s funny how those two things can become interchangeable. And actually, I think my problem is distraction, not inspiration or motivation. Too many “shun” words for a Saturday morning, I think. My head’s already buzzing and I haven’t even had a glass of water yet.

Distraction is in the form of the lovely pre-paid card that I use on the internet. It’s not attached to my bank accounts so I feel a lot better about using it online. I went to albertsons.com last night and did my grocery shopping for the next two weeks. $97 later, I’m ready to check out. Card declined. WHAT? You fuckers, it’s freaking PAYDAY. No way is my card declined. Then I think, shit… new girl doing payroll. She coulda effed up anything. I call the automated system. “Account balance $513.76. There are no pending deposits or transactions at this time.”

Now, I’m really going WTF? I try to get a live person. Instead, I get the “If you need to speak to a live customer service representative, please call back between our normal business hours of 9 am to 5 pm Pacific time, Monday thru Friday.” I’m really stewing now. All the stuff I planned to do this weekend has now been fucked up. For some reason, even though there is plenty of money on the card, whatever I try to do gives back a “declined”. Grrrrr.

I had to call the cable company and tell them I will WALK a payment in. The girl at Time Warner was very helpful and sympathetic. She said if I didn’t really feel like walking the payment in, she would just give me an extension so I could call in the payment once the card issue was resolved. Why couldn’t the card company be this easy and assessable? All the bills were pretty accommodating. Apparently, this is a common card problem so all the companies I was going to pay were willing to wait a few days for payment until the situation was cleared up. That was great! Except for my groceries.

I’m sitting here with my stomach growling and my brain set on Grrrr because I can’t get my groceries delivered. I have food. I bought $176 bucks worth 2 weeks ago and then ate out most of last week. My cupboards are pretty full. It’s the principle though. I give you my freaking money and pay 50 cents a transaction PLUS $5 a month to use this card online. The least they could do is let me use it when there’s clearly a bunch of money on it!

Okay, enough about my distract-SHUN. On to my motiva-SHUN. I wanna write. I’m trying to put myself into writing mode because I do have stuff I need - want - to crank out. However, I think the distraction has affected my motivation. My annoyance level is high and my mind isn’t on Griffin the way it should be when I’m about to start a post about him getting ready to attend his newfound sister’s wedding. So maybe my motivation isn’t quite where it should be yet. If I write Griffin now, will he be all pissy and angry? Will that be a waste of my writing time if I have to edit the whole freaking thing to change how he sounds?

This brings me to inspira-SHUN. Griffin is a complex character. He has a lot of twisted things happening in his life. He’s supposed to be on edge and nervous, faced with a situation where he clearly wants to be accepted, but he’s feeling apprehensive and cautious because his newfound brother thinks he’s a monster. He’s going to need some hand holding to make it through this event, so he’s looking to his best friend since childhood to attend with him. He’s also going to wonder what his new family will think if he brings a man to the wedding. Of course, he knows that there is a simple explanation for why he’s bringing Roman. Roman is not only his best friend, he’s his business partner. When Griffin went to Paris to meet his long lost family, Roman accompanied him. Griffin does know other people in Paris - females - but his new family doesn’t know that. They do know he arrived with his business partner so maybe they won’t question the fact that he’s shown up with a man at an event where everyone has a date.

Hmmn. I’m starting to feel the pull. The annoyance is receding and my characters are calling me. if I make myself some food will I lose the little bit of headway I’ve made toward recapturing my groove? Or will the growling and pain in my empty gut be yet another distract-SHUN?

BANG! CRASH! THUMP! I think the decision was just made for me. I’m now looking at two very guilty orange faces. Something has gone down in the living room. The Feral Brothers are looking at me like they are in trouble. If I haul my ass up to check it out, I might as well make breakfast. So, I’m off to clear away the disaster - or call Motley to - and make some chow. Hopefully, when I return to this computer the twats won’t keep me from getting into Griffin’s head and turning out his post about his sister’s wedding.

Wish me luck.

This Thursday Thirteen is about cemeteries again. This time it’s 13 random things about cemeteries, graves, related websites and tours, famous deaths, etc. Just a collection of odd bits that you might find fascinating or gruesome. My personal favorite: #1. I could spend hours touring that cemetery using the virtual tour!

1. Pere Lachaise Cemetery - This is one of the most famous cemeteries in Paris. Lots of famous people buried there including Jim Morrison. The thing I like about it, is that it has this virtual tour on it’s website… it’s just like walking through it but not as tiring. Awesome!

2. Batesville Casket Company is one of the largest casket companies in the world. It’s headquartered in Batesville, IN.

3. Here’s a video on how caskets are made:

4. Tyler Cassity of Hollywood Forever Cemetery is a pretty hot looking guy. His cemetery is really cool too. Lots of famous people buried there.

5. Ave Maria is a popular choice of music for funeral services. It’s typically sung in Latin by choirs. Here’s a version of the classical song done in English by the rock band Soundgarden.

6. Arlington National Cemetery in Virginia is the probably the most famous cemetery in the U.S. I’ve been there and it was a visit that was a stand out among the many places I’ve seen in this country. The Eternal Flame on JFK’s grave is strangely moving. Even more moving is the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. The sentinels are awe inspiring. If you’ve never heard the story of these sentinels, click this link and check it out. Also, the cemetery’s website has a page on the training the sentinels go through. It’s a really fascinating read.

7. The most famous of the English are buried, not in a cemetery, but at a church. The monarchs of England are buried at Westminster Abbey.

8. Looking for a famous grave? Check out Find A Grave. There’s a ton of info here. I can’t tell you if it is completely accurate though.

9. When you’re done looking for graves, head on over to Find A Death and check out all the “deliciously sordid” stories of the deaths of famous people.

10. Speaking of Find A Death , they have some pretty interesting (or gruesome depending upon your take on this stuff) “memorabilia”. Here’s a link to Diana, Princess of Wales’ death certificate. Doesn’t mean a whole lot unless you read French.

11. Here’s another site that has info on celebrity grave sites This guy calls himself the Grave Hunter.

12. Going back to Hollywood Forever Cemetery, here’s a link to their virtual tour of their celebrity graves.

13. With Memorial Day drawing near, I thought I’d end with this video and a poem that I love that is quite fitting with the vid.

In Flanders Fields

by Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae, MD

(1872-1918) Canadian Army

In Flanders Fields the poppies blow

Between the crosses row on row,

That mark our place; and in the sky

The larks, still bravely singing, fly

Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago

We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,

Loved and were loved, and now we lie

In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:

To you from failing hands we throw

The torch; be yours to hold it high.

If ye break faith with us who die

We shall not sleep, though poppies grow

In Flanders fields.

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So I wrote six thousand words on Sunday and I submitted it to the Pink Chair Diaries… and they accepted it! *does the Snoopy dance* Can you tell I am excited? My nipples are HARD, I tell you!

In honor of my six thousand words and improved emotional state, I have hotness today. First up is Megan Fox. Shinygal used her as the physical representation of her character Victoria at the Bar. So far Vic hasn’t been in the story much, but soon she’ll be ramping up.

Next we have an athlete from Finland. At least, I think it said he was a track star from Finland. I was so busy drooling, I don’t remember much of what I read. His name is Lauri Kalima.

Have a great Wednesday and if you get the chance, read the Were & the Chair and leave a comment. This is my first big endeavor outside of the Bar and I’m more excited than you can imagine. Wuvs yas!

Earlier tonight I decided what my post would be about for Tuesday. Then I got caught up in all the blogs about TC08. (Oh, and one disclaimer before I really get started - It’s not a big pimpin’ Friday and I’m tired so I’m not gonna link all the names I drop. Most of them are in my blogroll and most of them you already visit anyway.) I checked out that Uppercase Woman blog. Several things struck me about her post, but the one thing I seriously took away with me from her blog was this - I’m not an uppercase woman. Every time I type the letter “I”, I have to backspace. i am clearly a lower case woman.

Mr. Shiny and Hilly beat me to the punch with confessions, which isn’t surprising at all. I come late to things except work and appointments. I came late to blogging, only having begun in January of this year. The internet has always been a safe haven for me. I can be all the things that Life won’t let me be in the realm known as RL. Here, on the net, I can be a person who has strength and humor, who is fearless and fun. It’s funny to find that when you’re almost half a century old, that you are still the wallflower that you were at 18, 25, 37, and 46. I know that, faced with all of you in the realm of RL, I would either say totally the wrong thing, say nothing at all, or try too fucking hard to fit in. Because the truth of the matter is that I fit nowhere. Not even inside my own skin.

My truths are not as painful as they once were. I guess the passage of years is good for something, if only to dull the edge of the pain. Venues such as blogs are my medium. I am a writer. I’ve been one from the moment I could hold a pencil and string words together. Writing is my way of expressing myself because Lord knows, I do a really shitty job of it when I open my mouth. I don’t tell my child often enough that I love her. Yet, it’s very easy for me to rail at her and make her feel bad because she won’t take out the trash. And I know, if she wasn’t here… I would be truly alone. There is a comfort in the fact that she is typing away in IM in the next room. If I died in my bed tonight, she might not know until tomorrow morning, but at least I wouldn’t be dead in my bed for weeks with no one to find me. And I’d like to think that she would miss me the way I miss my mom and dad.

I am trapped by a wealth of fears that I can escape only when I write. When Adam wrote that he spent two thousand dollars going to TequilaCon, I realized I would truly never be able to go. I couldn’t string together $200 let alone ten times that. I have a job that doesn’t have any room for growth. I have a degree that’s not quite finished, so another, better job would be a stretch. I make a measly $40K a year (and no that’s not a slam against the company I work for, but more of a testimony to my lack of earning power) and live paycheck to paycheck to put a roof over our heads. We have been homeless countless times over the past 10 years. My credit is wrecked and so is whatever self esteem and hope I had at 18. Except when I write.

Putting the words here to make you feel what i feel is all I know how to do. I do it here, and at the Bar. Now I’ve submitted my 6K words to the Pink Chair Diaries, so maybe my words will reach another audience. Still, even though I want to meet all of you, feel a huge yen to meet you… if I did meet you, I wouldn’t know what to say, or would say something heinously stupid. My mouth cannot string words together the way my fingers can here in this medium. i am afraid to meet even one of you. Here, you like me. IRL, maybe you won’t.

So my Tuesday Truth is this, even if i had the money to come and meet you, i might not. Even David from BellaDaddyBlog, whom I have known for 30 years, and whom I will always love… I’m afraid to leave my hidey hole to see him. I have failed on so many levels as a person that I am afraid to try to make friends with someone only to fail at yet another thing.

So here I sit with my words. Cold comfort, I hear someone murmur. Yes. Sometimes they are, but in the end they are all I have to show you who i am. Because if I do manage to meet you, you’ll probably have a hard time making out those words, as I mumble them around my size 9 foot that will more than likely end up stuffed in my mouth.

I’m not really hungover, but I have that exhausted feeling that you get when you’re hungover. Not that I have any real experience with hangovers. Even when I drank too much, I never woke up with the pounding headache that announces a hangover. I would, however, wake up exhausted. Yesterday, while all the TC08 people were making their hungover ways home, I wrote six thousand words. That’s a lot, as any writer can tell you.

On Saturday, amid all the TC08 Flickr photos and Tweets, I was reading the Pink Chair Diaries. I decided I wanted to submit a story. The guidelines say approximately five thousand words a submission. So I spent some time Saturday night figuring out my plot. Sunday morning I made my banner and started on the story. At about 10:30 Sunday night I submitted it, all 5988 words of it. Hopefully, I’ll have a URL for the story soon. I’ll post it here when I do. The majority of those 6K words was all about sex, so I know you’ll all like that.

Today’s Marcus photo is one I saved for just such as day as this. He looks plastered. He either didn’t know or didn’t care that someone was giving him the rabbit ears. I don’t care. This guy’s hot even when he’s drunk and acting stupid. He can have all the tequila shots he wants from my cleavage. I figured that after all the drunken TC08 pics, I should post a drunken Marcus. It just sorta fits the theme of the aftermath of TC08.

Before I list the Marcuses, did you notice the other little pic in the upper right corner? The little giraffe labeled Alaric? My friend Jen, who sent me Marcus, sent me a new giraffe. So I created the Alaric Award. I’m thinking this award must be given for something to do with either kissing or drinking or maybe both. Alaric Kohl, the Bar Story character, is a drunk for the better part of the story. An asshole, but funny at times, a total poker shark, and… a drunk. When he meets Lex, he sobers up. He’s still an asshole sometimes, still cleans up at poker, drinks but doesn’t get drunk… and is always looking for an excuse to kiss his woman. I’ll figure it out eventually and post the criteria for the Alaric.

As for the Marcus, Marty was the man this week with 7. I think that’s only because Mary was busy having a baby. Hmmmn. Fab has 6. Othurme has 4. Mary and Matt got 3 each. I think Matt’s just been busy though, not off having a baby like Mary. Although if he was, we gotta get him on Springer or at the very least the Tyra Banks Show! Karl, Jason X, and Metalmom each have 2. I know MM and Karl were busy at TC08 which is why they haven’t been by much. As for Jason… his mojo was back so he was busy getting some. He was REALLY busy this week. If you don’t believe me, head on over to The User Pool to see for yourself. Next Monday is our next recap. We’re almost to the end of this round.

While I was busy with my six thousand words, the PITA went to Rip-offland. She should have pics and video over on Socially Dead at some point this week. That’s it for Marcus Monday. I’m taking my 6K word self to bed now. Enjoy your week!

*BUUUURP!*

Crap! I spoiled the silence. Oh, well. Since I broke the silence I might as well say this: Thanks to everyone for the good wishes. Yesterday was Rott’s 42nd birthday and I was missing him something fierce. I hate lengthy separations. My overactive imagination starts poking at my low self esteem and I start thinking things I shouldn’t. I appreciate that you all care enough to come by and say something nice to me.

MUAH! Luvs you all!

I’m sad. And a little depressed. I want to be happy like this again. Maybe in a year…

Miss you, Rott. Happy 42nd Birthday.

On the flip side… we has babies… with open eyes.

I was gonna try for a Thursday Thirteen this week, but I ran out of time. I have one in the works that is about the first time couples meet in the Bar Story. The old love at first sight or not theme. Hee hee. So I wasn’t ready for Thursday at all. I figured maybe I should just take a leaf outta Matt’s book and post a pic of a body part for Half Nekkid Thursday. What to post though? Hmmm. Got a pic of the top of my head, my pierced ear, my purple pedicure, a fuzzy bra pic, and… a cleavage shot. Okay. That works. I was just talking about it at Zanctuary the other day anyway.

I tell you a good Frederick’s corset can make your C’s look like DD’s if you have someone who will lace you into it REALLY tight. That funny little smile on my face is really a grimace of pain. I. Can’t. Breathe. Ack!

In other news in my world, yesterday I got a picture text from Mary at My Two Cents. It was Mac! Yes, Mary finally popped. For those of you in the know, not only does Mary have a blog at My Two Cents, she’s one of the Bar writers. So this is our first Bar Baby!

Mac weighed in at 9 lbs, 21 inches. Ain’t he a cutie? Yeah, I know. He looks like all the other red faced babies who have just popped out. Still, he’s Mary’s kid so I figure he’s gonna be as ornery as his mom. Congratulations to Mary and Derek! Oh, and Mac? Here’s lookin’ at you, kid!

The Jester show was a lot of fun last night. Shiny gal wanted to call in, and Jester encouraged her to let him pop her BTR cherry, but like a lot of first timers, she was too scared! Maybe next week Jester can do some popping. Or maybe I’ll get her over to Karl’s show and let him do it… Hmmmn. What do you all think? Who should pop Shinygal’s BTR cherry?

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday folks! May your day be filled with cleavage and packages and so on!