Humpday Hmmmph

Author: Winter  |  Category: Uncategorized

I was tagged despite the presence of Grundir in my sidebar. Metalmom is so not afraid of Grundir. She has teens. So, quickly, here are 6 factoids about me, and then some Humpday Hotness for you all. (I have to hurry because I have horses to enter at DerbyFever.com!)

1. I have a problem with Walgreens. When I go in there, I spend $30 on candy. I never buy candy anywhere else. Just Walgreens. I cannot resist their candy aisle.

2. I named some new horses at DerbyFever.com after bloggers or blogs: The User Pool, Fattitude, Blogger, Kyra Sutra, and The Aburdist. Don’t worry. I have more horses to breed so I’ll get around to everyone’s name eventually. I will have trouble with Fab’s name though because there is a Fabman aka Mr. Fabulous in the game. He and Fab share a real first name too. Weird huh?

3. I own a Nagel. You know, Patrick Nagel the artist? Probably most widely known for his cover of Duran Duran’s Rio album. I actually own what is called Texas. It’s a signature in screen serigraph of the Rio picture. It cost me about $750 back in the 80’s. It was hard to find too. I probably couldn’t even sell it now.

4. I love peppermint bark and I always buy some when they put it out at Christmas. This past year, I went into the stores so little, I forgot to buy peppermint bark! Wahhhhh!

5. I love Hoops and YoYo at Hallmark.com. They make me laugh with their goofiness.

6. I love Black Forest Cake and Tiramisu more than chocolate pudding.

Here’s the hotness that is Victor Webster. The odd thing about Vic is that I like him hairy much better than without.

For you men and closet lesbians, I give you Anne Hathaway boobage.

Happy Humpday to all!

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Tuesday Tune @ 52 WPM

Author: Winter  |  Category: The Bar Story, Tuesday tune, writing

Yup. I gots a song for ya today. You might recognize this guy as the lead singer of Tonic, but I think I like his solo stuff better. I really like this song. I even entertained it as a possibility for my duet with Fab. I give you, Emerson Hart:

Before I take off to write more dirty sex posts, I have to brag about something. At about 10 am this morning, I decided that I needed to do a quick post at the Bar. I needed to catch up with a character that I had left hanging awhile back. I knew basically what he needed to say, and what foreshadowing he needed to provide. So, I decided to test myself a little. On my 15 minute break, I cranked out his post. 780 words, no edits needed, 15 minutes. Whew! I did it.

I looked at those 780 words and wondered how authors struggle to come up with 1000 words a day or 1500 words a day. I decided it wasn’t a struggle to come up with them. More likely, it was a struggle to find the time to commit them to “paper”. I know that my problem with writing is that I do a lot of stuff. I don’t have a lot of time to spit out 1500 words a day.

I was sure proud of those 780 words in 15 minutes though. I wrote – created, if you will – 52 words a minute. At that rate, I could churn out 20K words in about 6.5 hours. Real life, of course, dictates that those hours stretch to months, maybe even years. I dunno. This is one of the few times I’ve ever tried to time myself. All the other times involved sex not writing.

Oh, BTW, I’ve decided that I’ve made it to a certain level in the blogging world. Hellohahanarf has volunteered to drunk dial me. *blinks in shock* OMG!! Someone is gonna drunk dial me from Tequila Con! I am soooo stoked. Happy Tuesday!

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Marcus and the Jester Roll

Author: Winter  |  Category: Blog Talk Radio, Marcus Monday, Marcus Schenkenberg

This is my usual day to talk about Marcus Schenkenberg and post his picture. I’m going to do that in a moment, but first I must talk about the Sunday BTR shows. Karl started things off and things were pretty mellow. Then came Hilly’s show and the world turned upside down because she had Jester as her guest. After Hilly’s show we went over to Fab’s show. Fab was a little tired but Jester and Vulgar Wizard took up the slack. Then Jester prank called Irrelephant. I think that’s where things started to get REALLY funny. The prank call wound everyone up and when we went to Turnbaby’s show, Jester called in.

I don’t think I can even do justice to a recap of the show. All I know is that the chatroom was hilarious, the show was hilarious, and my ribs were sore from laughing at the end of 90 minutes. That’s when Jester got the truly inspired idea to pick another show and “Jester Roll” it. He dropped the link into Turnbaby’s chat and a bunch of us went the other show. The Super Size show was kinda odd. There were these two kinda crude-ish dudes on. They belched a lot. And there were some rude guys in their chat. Then Jester called in and it got funny.

It’s amazing to listen to Jester “work a room”, which is basically what he did calling those guys. They weren’t exactly the most open minded of people, but Jester handled them very well. One of the hosts seemed actually interested in getting other listeners for his show. The other guy wasn’t too tolerant of us. The one really interesting thing about about them was that they knew right off the bat where Hellohahanarf got her nick from. It was a very funny afternoon and evening for me. Especially funny was Othurme and the Bacon Blog.

Now, for my Marcus. This is a photo from when he was younger. You can tell mostly by the long hair. It’s the symmetry of his body that makes this photo awesome. I also like it because the water looks so cool and refreshing. After the near 100 degree heat here, I need something to cool me off. If only I was warm for a different reason, I wouldn’t mind so much. Usually, a mostly naked Marcus does warm my blood, but I think I’m maxed out on warm right now.

Next up are the Marcus points for this week. It seemed like a weak week altogether for comments everywhere, in part because some bloggers were out of town and others were observing the National Day of Silence on Friday. Since this blog moved and I didn’t do a Thursday Thirteen, it was a quiet week here. So the Marcus points stack up this way for the week: Marty-6, Mary-5, Matt-4, Shiny (gal) and Hilly-3, Shiny (guy), Metalmom, Jason X, the Absurdist, and Karl with 2. There’s a slew of others with one each. We’re drawing closer to the end of this contest!

A couple of final notes for this Monday. First, thanks to everyone who visited Socially Dead. My kid was so excited by the influx of visitors. Second, congratulations to my prize winners The Absurdist (for the domain name) and Jester (for the tagline). The Absurdist already has a “Batty” shirt headed her way. Jester, you need to email me so I can show you the shirts you can choose from. Next, there’s new Spewage at Projectile Spewage. If you don’t know about my little rant place, email me and I’ll send you info to get in. Thanks to everyone for the good wishes on my stupid back and the new blog site. This is my 80th post, so pretty soon I’ll be posting my 100th blog post. Doesn’t seem like I’ve been doing this long enough to have 100 posts! Have a fantastic Monday!

OH! PS: Othurme – You, me, 3 pounds of maple bacon, and the Bacon Blog recipes = BaconFest! Heh.

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Outrageous: Weylyn Randall

Author: Winter  |  Category: The Bar Story, memes, writing

Susan over at West of Mars combined two things to come up with an amusing meme which her character, rock star Trevor Wolff, completed. When I tried to think who my most outrageous character might be, I discovered that it wasn’t any of my rock stars. This character is a musician, but he’s not a rock star, and none of his outrageousness comes from what he does for a living. My most outrageous character is that werewolf who is always horny, Weylyn Randall. Weylyn is all about getting his were on. I could give you examples, but I think I’ll let Weylyn do it. Here, for your reading pleasure, are seven outrageous moments with Weylyn Randall, werewolf, bass player, and bi-sexual horn dog.

1. Weylyn’s introduction to the Bar Story – A remark to his Alpha about how he spreads his sexual favors around:

Weylyn snorted his disgust. “I get it all the time. Groupies love me because I’m the horndog in the band. Everyone else is either a tight ass or bonded. Me… I believe in freedom. Freedom of choice and freedom from the chains of a mate. I am just your average every day were-horndog.”

2. Weylyn tells off a Beta from his pack:

Her eyes flared with fury. I ignored it and walked past her, headed for Michael’s suite of rooms. “One day, Weylyn, you won’t be the favored one around here any more. Michael will take a mate, and you will be ass out!” she called after me.

A bigger man might have just ignored her… or even just flipped her off. I, however, didn’t have a problem being a petty little punk. I turned and smiled at her. “You know, Sean… when that day comes… the day our Alpha finds a mate… I will be happy for them. I may not live and breath the pack like you do, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want it to thrive. And to thrive, our Alpha must mate… and procreate.” I gazed at her thoughtfully, seeing her anger simmering just below the surface. “Why do I get the feeling you just don’t want to see Michael take a mate and have children?”

Sean began to growl and I grinned. “Oh, Sean. You’re the one who will be ass out when Michael mates. All your hopes and dreams… right into the toilet.” I shook my head, turning to walk away. “Do us all a favor, Sean and get a life before that day comes, ” I called over my shoulder.

3. Weylyn thinks about the white werewolves:

I leaned back enjoying the feel of my swelling cock. My mind was preoccupied with thoughts of the beautiful young white were from earlier in the evening. She was hot. And even better than her… her mother was fucking hotter. Mama had even smelt of sex… sex with a young male were about my own age by the scent. I didn’t recognize his scent, but the unadulterated sexuality of it made me hard. I wasn’t that picky about my partners overall. Male, female…were, vamp, pixie… I’d done ‘em all and had them do me. Orgy action was always good too. It meant a guaranteed orgasm.

My eyes rolled back in my head as I wondered if the male who had been fucking the white mama was into men. His scent on her had turned me on… not just for her, but for him. I needed something young and hot with strength to equal my own. I thought about sharing him with Mama. Oh, yeah. That sounded even better than having mama and her girl at the same time.

Teeth lightly grazed my cock and long fingers teased my balls. When one digit entered my ass, I bucked up off the chair, my cock sliding easily down Michael’s throat as I came. I twitched and moaned and shuddered as Michael’s tongue kept up its action throughout the spasms of my cock. Finally, Michael licked me clean and sat back, looking into my eyes with a wry smile.

“Now why do I think that it wasn’t my mouth you were concentrating on fucking?” Michael’s tone was droll.

I grinned. My Alpha was smart and knew me oh, so well. “Prolly cuz you know me… my mind was on the next fuck, and the one after that,” I laughed. “Always working on where the next orgasm is coming from.”

4. Weylyn meets a hot stranger:

The man was hot. No doubt about that. He was up for the play too. I’d smelled his lust instantly, which was why I’d followed him. It was just a little harmless game. He knew he wanted me. I knew I wanted him. We both could sense and smell the lust. When he said, “Want to go inside and play?” I thanked the gods for men. Bedding women was a lot more work.

“Sure,” I replied, leading the way. Being with Michael always rocked my world but there was something about a chance encounter that upped the ante on excitement. “I’m a were, you know, and we weres like nothing better than to take someone from behind,” I told him boldly, my eyes watching him lustfully. “I, myself, am particularly fond of anal sex.”

“Oh, really?” Rax murmured, his eyes gleaming.

A little half smile tugged at my mouth, and I decided to be completely upfront with him. I wanted to fuck him, and I figured I had nothing to lose in telling him that. “So, are you gonna let me get my were on, or are we all done now?”

I watched him carefully consider my words as my thoughts were jerked back to the smell of the young male were on that white were. Lust rocketed through me again. I stroked my hard cock, letting Rax see the pre-cum oozing from the thick tip.

“What’s it gonna be, Rax? You want some of this? Or should I be on my way back to London?” I asked, hoping that I wasn’t gonna be disappointed.

5. Weylyn takes his leave of Jaidyn and Jude to go meet Sol:
(You can find the entire X-rated encounter HERE.)

Jaidyn and her brother exchanged a glance. It appeared to me that while I was talking to the naughty pixie on the phone, my fanged female friend had decided to forgive her brother for being a bit of a dick. Leading his sister on a wild goose chase around the club had been enough to make me think he was an asshole, but now the two were as tight as a miniskirt on a hooker. I decided Jude probably wasn’t really an asshole, but more likely, a prankster.

I eyed Jaidyn, gleefully. “You wanted to be shown around Paris. Here’s your chance to visit the hottest club in the city,” I told her, waggling my eyebrow suggestively.

Jaidyn grinned and threaded her arm through her brother’s. “You go on, Weylyn. I’m officially relieving you of duty,” she said with a lopsided grin.

I put my hands over my heart. “You wound me oh, beauteous fanged one!” I said in dramatic tones. Jaidyn’s lips twitched, and I winked at her. “Twas not duty at all! Twas a pleasure beyond compare!” I swept her a big Shakespearean bow and a crack of laughter escaped her.

“Is he always like this?” Jude asked, amusement dancing in his eyes.

Jaidyn shrugged. “I think so, but I haven’t known him long enough to be sure,” she chuckled. “As you can tell, Weylyn is all about fun.”

I sprang to attention, flashing my most charming smile. “Got to get my were on, ya know,” I said to Jude, who started to laugh.

“Not gonna argue with you there, dude,” he said easily. “Been known to prowl for something toothsome myself.” Jude flashed his fangs and his sister rolled her eyes. She was laughing inside though. I could tell.

“Since you are well chaperoned, milady, I’m outta here. Got a date with a naughty pixie,” I told the twins. “Jude, nice to meetcha.” I shook Jaidyn’s brother’s hand and then ducked in to plant a quick buss on her cheek. “It’s been fun. We’ll do this again, ‘kay?”

Jaidyn nodded her sleek head. “Sure, Wey. Have a good time with the pixie.”

“I intend to,” I said with a flash of my own fangs.

6. Weylyn and Sol wake up Vivienne to go on a rescue mission:

“C’mon, Vivi! Let’s go! You’ve had plenty of time to get ready!” Sol yelled at the wooden door.

It opened and a tall, broad shouldered man came out, carrying his shoes and jacket. My eyebrows shot up. He looked like he was barely out of high school. Vivi came out behind him zipping up her jacket. “I had a nice time. See ya, Brian,” she said dismissively.

“Later, Viv,” the kid rumbled in a deep voice and left.

“Oh, Vivi. He looked very young,” I chortled, my eyes filled with amusement.

Vivienne quirked up a brow at me. “He was, but he was legal,” she replied coolly.

“Checked his ID, did you?” I grinned. I was liking Vivi and Sol more and more. I wondered briefly if I could get them both going at the same time…

Sol rolled her eyes. “It had to have been fake. He didn’t even have a beard yet,” she snarked. “You’ve got more fur than he does, Vivi.”

Vivienne walked to the door, shooting a nasty look over her shoulder at Sol. “Fuck you, Isolde. He’s a nice boy. And he has a big dick.”

Sol and I followed Vivi to the elevator. “Yeah, but is he old enough to know what to do with it?” Sol asked with an evil laugh.

Vivi gave her friend a smug smile. “Didn’t need to. He’s excellent with his tongue.”

As we stepped into the elevator, I murmured, “Too much eating out will give you indigestion. I hope he has his Rolaids.”

7. Weylyn has a profound moment when he helps Sol and Vivi rescue Gracie, only for them all to discover that Gracie’s place is trashed:

Women. I would never understand them, no matter how long, or how often, I fucked ‘em.

Weylyn is in his early days in the Bar Story. There will be many more “Weylyn” moments to come. He has an outrageous personality. He’s independent, free thinking, very open sexually, has a positive attitude, and a great sense of humor. If there is no humor to find in a situation, Weylyn will make some. I hope you manage to get your were on this Sunday!

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Am I Dreaming?

Author: Winter  |  Category: dreams

It looks good. So good I’m black and blue. From pinching myself, ya know. Jester is the coolest dude ever. Even if he isn’t the token gay on my blogroll. That’s David from BellyDaddy. Heh. Jester would be my token WP guru. Like the Absurdist, I overpaid him. But that’s because he needs lessons from William Shatner. He’s not very good at this negotiating thing. I’m poor, but even I can afford Jester! Wait. That didn’t come out right. I wonder if UMB is gonna come after me now? Hee hee.

So the dreaming thing is twofold today. First of all, there’s the new house here and the pinching thing. Second, I had my first dream about a blogger and it wasn’t about Fab or Dave. It was about Matt-Man! I’ll get to the dream in a moment. The third thing, is about why I have to go to work today. I keep asking myself, “Am I dreaming? This is nuts. I’m actually going to the office on a Saturday, after I spent two mornings this week at home recharging my batteries?”

Now, I’m gonna be all pooped out again. Check out the Spewage site later today for deets on why I’m going to work today. It’s nothing bad about the company I work for, but I’d rather say this in private. If you don’t know about Spewage, email me.

My Matt-Man dream began with the PITA and I at a Sonic or In-N-Out type burger place. We were devouring mass quantities of yummy hamburgers oozing with cheese and sauce and grease. Matt comes up and sits down next to us. He’s got a cigarette hanging from his mouth (in the restaurant even! gasp!), and he’s wearing jean shorts and a t-shirt and sunglasses. He sticks out one leg and turns it so we can see the back of it. There’s this huge bruise there. The PITA and I gasp.

“What the hell happened to you?” I ask him.

He makes a typical man sound, that half grunt, half disgusted, half “I don’t know how I get myself in these situations” kind of sound. Then he says, “I should have Fab’s tagline. Some bozo tried to kill me.”

The PITA frowns, while munching french fries. “Why would someone want to kill you? Your sense of humor isn’t THAT bad.”

Matt shrugs. “He said his wife was a blogger. She fell in love with my Half Nekkid Thursday pics. He called me a homewrecker.”

The PITA and I look at each other with wide eyes. “Well, how did he try to kill you? Maybe it was some kind of mistake,” I say, not wanting to think that someone would really try to kill Matt.

Matt shakes his head, and ash falls from his cigarette. “I don’t think there was any kind of mistake. He came right at me, his little old Volkswagen rattletrap bug shaking like it had never seen 30 mph before. He was screaming ‘Matt-Man must die!’ out the window.” Matt shrugs again. “He was trying to kill me.”

“Woah,” the PITA murmurs reverently, reaching for her strawberry shake. “Killed for your blog. What a headline.”

Matt stands up and puts out his cigarette on the fomica table top. He rolls his shoulders and looks at the big black bruise on the back of his leg. “It’s a good thing that guy drives an ancient Volkswagen instead of an Escalade or I’d be bumming smokes off of James Dean.” He lets out a heavy sigh. “I’ll catch you all later. I’ve gotta put together my next HNT. I was thinking of having my pic taken on a bulldozer while wearing only my boxers. Just to sort of solidify my position as a homewrecker. Cheers!”

And then he was gone. The PITA looks at me and I tell her, “The things people will do for their blog.”

My daughter snorts. “Not just the blog, Mom. I would totally do some girl in front of Dave for a pack of his playing cards.”

Then I woke up. It was quiet in my house. But I could have sworn I smelled In-N-Out burgers in my bedroom.

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Silence!

Author: Winter  |  Category: Uncategorized

It seems funny that on the first day of this new domain name that I would be silent. However, I am. In a moment. First I want to direct you all to Jester’s post about this day of silence. The world would truly be a dark place if he wasn’t here to answer our emails, IMs, and tweets. And I’m not just saying that because he did such an awesome job on this new house. I’m saying it because anyone with an infectious laugh like his should not ever have it silenced by an act of hate. I’m sure Lawrence had an infectious laugh too. It’s gut wrenching to think that all his laughter was silenced, and that he had the joy sucked out of him by those who hate.

So don’t look for me on Twitter today. I won’t be by to comment on your blogs until Saturday. I can’t totally shut down life and give up the phone, talking, email, or IM because I do have work to do. (Yes, I WORK on IM. It’s how I communicate with the other Bar writers.)

Have a truly wonderful day, and remember how much hate hurts. Be thankful for your friends.

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Weiners!

Author: Winter  |  Category: contests, vampires

It’s been a tough day. I had a number of decisions to make. I’m not going to go into all of them right now, but suffice to say that this blog will be a-changing! Soon. Changes for the better. The downside is that you’ll all have to update your blogrolls because a new address is part of the package.

Part of the changes coming to my “Batty” blog are due in part to the fact that I have weiners, er winners for you! Yes, the tagline search has come to an end. An unexpected end. Here’s the deal: I loved everything that was offered up. I couldn’t make up my mind. David from BellaDaddyBlog sent me “Fangs For the Memories”, but that’s the name of a Kathy Love book. (A really good book too!) I liked the Absurdist’s “Sunlight Is Overrated”. I liked it a lot. But it reminded me of Britt’s tagline. I’ll come back to this tagline in a minute.

So, I was still pondering the taglines while Jester helped me out with the new Wordpress theme. I mentioned to him how I changed the verbiage on the Comment Luv to say that it’s trying to sink its fangs into your last post, please wait while it finds a vein. Jester laughs and replies, “I vant to suck your blog!” BINGO. My kid and I both went, “THAT’S IT!” In one fell swoop, without even meaning to, Jester won.

Now, going back to the Absurdist’s tagline, I kept mulling it over in my head because I really did like it a lot. However, to move the idea away from Britt’s tagline, I kept thinking of it as “Sunlight Sucks”. Last night, while letting WP kick my ass and make me cry, I got the idea of just moving the whole kit and kaboodle. I mean, wouldn’t it make it a little harder for the hunter from my office to find me? Not that I’m hiding. I’d just like to make it harder for them on principle. So the Absurdist also wins. I registered sunlightsucks.com tonight.

And there we have it. Two weiners, er winners! Congratulations to Jester and the Absurdist. I am going to try to make a t-shirt with the bat logo on it now. If that doesn’t work out, they can still have the Bar t-shirt. A t-shirt with fangs. Yummo. Thanks to everyone who participated. I appreciate the effort you all put into my need for a tagline.

One last thing, thanks to everyone for visiting Socially Dead. My kid has now pasted her underwear clad ass on her new blog for Half Naked Thursday. She even offered a crotch shot for next week. OY. How did I know she would fit in this well? Happy Friday to all! MUAH!

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