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Visitors to my blog are usually most welcome. However, as those of you who read my Monday rant know, I don’t always deal well with PAQs. Well, while I was ranting about PAQs from a website that shall remain nameless, someone from my own workplace was going through these very archives. Not to find out more about me, but to find things that could be shown to the management of the company I work for. This wasn’t something someone found by accident. So no longer can I come here and vent or rant to get things off my chest. Some things have become off limits for fear that my child and I will not be able to afford the roof over our heads.

My six word memoir meant nothing to his person. This person doesn’t care if I have a heart. Or feelings. Or a child to support. This person ignored every GOOD thing I had to say about my work. And I’ve mentioned a number of GOOD things because I really do like where I work.

I would feel violated if it wasn’t so predictable in this world we live in. People don’t think about the fact that Britney Spears can sing really well. All they want to focus on is the fact that she’s having a mental breakdown. How the hell is that any of our business anyway? But this media rich diet we live on dictates that the meat is always sweeter the closer to the bone… so cut deeper to get the dirt and fuck it if it hurts anyone!

Shiny told me a story not long ago about going to a restaurant to have dinner with her DH. She was unwinding from a rough day, telling him about how her supervisor had been treating her in an unprofessional manner. Lo and behold, who walks in? That very supervisor. The world being what it is, had that supervisor overheard her personal conversation with her husband, Shiny could have been fired. The supervisor was already treating her in an unprofessional manner and creating a climate of fear in the office. I don’t know if Shiny was afraid for her job, but many people in her shoes would have been. So even words to your husband can be used against you in this world we live in. Cause guess what? There really is no such thing as freedom of speech. We pay for every freaking thing we say or do.

I didn’t get Karled. It wasn’t even brought up. It was left to the HR Manager to speak to me. She had some sage words for me, which I’m not going to repeat. There are going to be a number of things I won’t repeat anymore. At least not out here. I’ve been toying with the idea of creating a private blog so I can vent as much as I want without fear of repercussion. If you noticed this morning, there were 71 posts on this blog. Not any more. I saved the deleted ones, including my last TT. If I do create a private blog, I’ll drop my deleted posts there… as a shrine to Karl.

If any of you missed Karl’s story, here is the link: I’m Not Going to Say I Got Dooced, But I Did

I guess I’m not as cynical as I thought I was. I was shocked that Karl was karled. I was shocked that Dave got hate mail over a cartoon. I felt a twinge of hurt when the guys in the sim took one girl’s “joke” about my name on a bathroom wall and turned it into a big funny haha thing…when it sure seemed to me that she was calling me a slut without calling me one… Maybe I’m too tenderhearted to be a cynic. But you know what hurts the worst of any of the shit that’s come down recently? That someone who really does care about people, is never seen in that light. Maybe THAT is the real reason that this is my memoir.
Next time, read ALL of the words. Not just the ones you think are disgusting. Because when you read one post without reading all 70… and you insist on judging me by that post… you’ve just told the world exactly what you are, without me having to say - or write - a word.

I’m a little melancholy. Missing Rott I guess for one. For another, people in general sometimes get me down. (See the rant below.) I spent part of Sunday photoshopping Marcus. I stuck him into a pic with a girl in a designer dress. Then I photoshopped Kelly Monaco’s face on the girl. It’s not a very good job. I was distracted. The upshot is that if I had really worked on the details it would look much better. It’s for the Bar, so it doesn’t have to be some fantastic thing.

The picture is because Lex and Alaric are going to a wedding. Lex, who is starting to show her pregnancy a little, doesn’t fit in the dress she was going to wear, which would allow her to wear the very expensive Manolo Blahnik’s she wore at her own wedding. So Lex has to choose a different dress. The post is about how Lex comes to realize that her body is about to undergo some major changes, and at the end of it all, her life will be decidedly different.

When I first wrote Lex, she was a background character, meant to fuck one of the main characters, get dumped by him, and eventually end up dead. But Lex is tenacious. She wanted to live. She wanted a chance at her own story. She refused to do what I had originally planned for her. Now, Lex is probably the most 3 dimensional character that I have. I invest a lot of myself in her too. So when I did the 6 word memoir and realized that Lex is the best vehicle I have as a writer, I created The Lexography. The Lexography is Lex’s biography. Told in diary format from her voice, and the voices of those who love her. If you’re interested in Lex, you will find the link to the Lexography on the sidebar to the right. The girl with fangs won’t be posted here on Tuesdays any longer.

I have a little rant that I wanna get off my chest now. Have you ever been in IM or chat or on a MB with someone who disliked you, but was being passive aggressive about it? They make these little remarks that are digs, but they cover them, attribute them to someone else, or backtrack so you don’t call them on it? Usually, I call them on it anyway because it annoys the hell out of me. I would much rather people say right up front what they think so I, and everyone else, knows that they don’t like me. Then I don’t have to make nicey nice and talk to them anymore. And everyone else will not expect me to.

The problem I have these days is that there are places where I am the admin and/or moderator. I’m not supposed to be confrontational. There are five places on the net where I have this job. Five places where I have to take the high road and let people speak to me in snide asides. It goes against the grain with me, but I agreed to take these jobs so I’m not about to let others down by not doing the right thing. What kills is that sometimes these queens of passive aggressive behavior use that against me. They know they can throw as much below the radar crap at me as they like, and I cannot retaliate or respond. They revel in the fact that they can do this. It’s pathetic.

I bet you want to know why they don’t like me, these passive aggressive queens. As near as I can figure it, it’s because I’m me. I come into a chatroom or a board and I talk to people. I joke and tease and flirt. Sometimes other women do not like this about me. They think I do this to draw all the attention to myself. They are resentful and it shows in their little remarks to me, and in the way they draw the man’s (men’s) attention back to them by talking about something I am not privvy to.

Now, I’ve been on this planet for awhile. There’s stuff I know. First off, it’s freaking typing, people. Second, what’s wrong with a little fun? It’s not like I’m inviting your husband to cheat on you. Third, it’s not about me, it’s about others, making them smile and have fun. I don’t even post a lot on some of these boards, so when I do, I wanna have fun! Fourth, you don’t OWN those men that I talk to on the boards and chatrooms. Some of them are married or have girlfriends. You do not have dibs on them! And yes, I talk to women too! Not just the guys. Although, the way these P-A-Qs act, you’d think all I do is go around to MBs and chats and steal “their” men. Sheesh.

I tell myself that this is nothing. They prolly have pathetic lives in dead end jobs, no boyfriend or husbands or kids… or they have those things and are unhappy with them. Hell, I could BE them. The difference is, I choose not to be. I choose to fill the empty places with things I enjoy. Creative things like that stupid little photoshop pic, or writing Lex, or calling in to Turnbaby’s show and singing a really bad rendition of the Yogi Bear song because I’ve forgotten the words because my dinner is burning. (Smoke sucks.) I just have to content myself that the high road is the better way to go and ignoring barbs is good for the soul.

Okay, rant over and it’s time to add up the Marcus’ for this week. Fab picked up 7 this week followed by Mary with 6, Matt and Shiny with 5, Susan with 3, and Livvy with 2. There’s a whole host of people who got 1 each. Most of them on my TT about the cemetery. Why is it that people are so very curious about the cemetery?

Anyway, since it’s been 4 weeks since our last update here’s how the numbers shake out in terms of the top 5: Mary-68, Matt-53, Shiny-52, Susan-47, and Fab-37. Maybe it should be whoever gets to 100 first wins or whoever has the most come June 1. Next time around, I’ll do the contest different. I’m liking how Matt does the COW.

By the way, I’m still battling with Wordpress on my writing blog. If anyone knows someone who can answer q’s for me and maybe mentor me a little, I would much appreciate it. I need to make the errors go away and do a couple of little tweaky things, but I’m having a helluva time finding answers in all the miles of Wordpress docs, forums, and codex. I don’t need someone to do it for me, I just need someone to point me in the right direction so I can fix it myself.

That’s it for this Monday. Have a great start to the week everyone! MUAH!

The wondrous Olivia, the English Courtesan, tagged me with the Six Word Memoir. That title up there was my first attempt. Well, not really. But it sounded hawt! Livvy’s six word memoir was quite striking, I must say. (If you want to know what it is, you must visit her blog!) She said she had a little difficulty with it at first, wondering, how could she describe her life in six words? She did very well though. Much better than I did with my attempt to be amusing in six words.

When she tagged me, she said she deliberately chose bloggers who can write. I think I preened a little. I call myself a writer, but other than a few poems and the stuff I post at the Bar, I’ve never been published. I know that being published does not make one a writer. However, I’d like to think that one day I will finish something and have it published. It’s not a dream of mine, the way some people have a dream that is really a goal. Instead, it’s one of those things that is highly attainable, but always gets pushed back because other things in life are more important. I guess some day it will happen. I know I have the talent. Too many diverse people have told me that I do, for me not to believe it. Now, I just need find to the right vehicle and the time to create it.

Maybe Lex is the vehicle, because Lex is me. Not in looks, but in her soul. She was gang raped by the Nazis. I’ve been gang raped by Life. Yet Lex continues to hope. When she thinks she has nothing left inside her, Johann shows her that it isn’t true. He shows her how her actions give away the hope that continues to well within her. I don’t know where it comes from, but it wells within me too most days. Like Lex, the dark sometimes rules, but the light always returns. So perhaps my vehicle is Lex, taken from the context of the Bar and given to the world… It’s certainly an idea I’d not thought of until this moment.

So, my six word memoir is easy. And it’s so me.

Thanks for tagging me, Livvy. I think I needed to get those words off my chest. I’m not going to tag anyone else, but those of you who read me, who are writers too, if you haven’t done this… then you should. There is a freedom in the release of those words, that I can’t exactly describe. Sort of a feeling of coming home. Maybe I’m waxing poetic or being melodramatic or diva-ish. Don’t know. Don’t really care. I just know those words felt good.

Happy Friday, luscious ones. I’ll be reading all your blogs this weekend, after I post more sex at the Bar.

I grossed out my teen. I told her I got Snitter for my Twitter. She thought I was talking dirty. “Ewww! Mom! TMI!” I’m not sure how it happened, but I’m more techie than my kid. In this day and age, that is saying something. Sure, she can out-text me, but I can spend $200 and get on the internet without having to buy a computer that some guy named DELL made. HA! Take that, teenager! Let me see you BYOMM! (Build Your Own Monster Machine.)

Since it is humpday, and I’m still entering my freaking horses for Derby Fever, I give you humpday hotness. First up is Liz Hurley. I heard Dave likes her. I like her too. She is pretty damned gorgeous. If I was a man she would give me a woody. I’m not a man and she almost does it for me. Dave has good taste. Oh, and the hotness that is Dave will be on The Jester Show tonight, talking while under the influence of drugs.

You know, all women should be allowed to grow old the Liz Hurley way. Think of how happy and peaceful the world would be if we all grew old in a beautiful way. We would all be too busy boinking each other to fight… Well, we should all be too busy boinking each other anyway. Nothing like sex for making you too tired to fight. Oh, Liz. You should be the head of NATO. Really.

Next up is the very yummy Brazilian Alexandre Verga. What is it with Brazilians? In this pic, Alex totally looks like he’s telling me he’s gonna get nekkid for me. ALL the Brazilian models look out of their pics like that. They have a market on the come hither and let me boink you look.

Alex and his brother Rafael cause much drooling among the female population of the world. Who would have thought two brothers could cause so many heart attacks. I mean, seriously, they are more likely to give you a coronary than a steady diet of Big Macs. I think Alex is the big brother. And if Rafe is the “little” brother, I really wanna find those pics where Alex bares all. Cause, ya know, I’ve seen Rafe naked. It almost melted my monitor. No telling what kind of damage naked Alex pics would cause. It might be worth it too. Naked Alex… the cost of a new monitor. Hmmmn. I wonder if I could work that in as a tax deduction somehow. I prolly could. As an IT person, all my computer stuff should be a deduction. Heh.

One last thing before I take off to try to finish entering some horses. I keep seeing this 100 things stuff everywhere. I keep wondering if I should try it. Then I think… no way. I already tell you peeps way too much about who I am. However, I think I shall start opening myself up more. Starting next Wednesday, if anyone sends me a personal question or two, I shall answer them when I post Humpday Hotties. My email addy is winter at winterheart dot com. Enjoy the gorgeous flesh and I hope your Wednesday is full of humping!

My brain has been furiously running through songs since I offered up my fractured vocal cords on the altar of Fab’s next Duet show. This is an especially tough thing for me because once upon a time, I had a very beautiful singing voice. Ask David from BellaDaddyBlog. He’ll tell you I could wring tears from your eyes. And not because I sang like fingernails on a chalkboard either. Pffft.

When I turned 30, I was diagnosed with asthma. Don’t laugh. Some people don’t get it as a kid. There have been several females in my family who got asthma after the age of 30. I thought it wasn’t a big deal. Then I got a very nasty case of pneumonia. And another. And another. In the space of 5 years, I’d had it 6 or 7 times. Now, years later, I have the horrid asthmatic wheeze and cough. Meds keep me breathing and attack free, but there has been a price to pay to continue breathing… my vocal cords and breath control. Both are now nicely shot. It’s the toughest pill I’ve had to swallow of all the meds I’ve had over the past 17 years since I was diagnosed.

For me to offer to sing is like asking a painter who is now blind to create a watercolor. Tough stuff. I can half assed carry a tune, but it’s a pathetic shadow of my former glorious voice. I goof mostly now, because to do anything serious puts me in tears. Only David knows how truly hard this is for me. But David being the kind of man he is, he would tell me to do it anyway, and fuck it if I don’t sound like an angel any more. He would tell me to just have fun. (You’re gonna send me an email now, aren’t you, David? Telling me everything I just attributed to you, right? Don’t make me out a liar, dude.)

So anyway, here are the songs I’ve decided I might be able to pull off with Fab. I have something else up my sleeve too, but it’s super secret and seriously amusing. My sense is that if it tickles Fab’s funny bone the way it tickles mine… I might just have to do it. However, it means lots and lots and lots of practice for my asthmatic self. I wonder if I can manage a take without a wheeze or a cough? Maybe I should leave them in. After all, if I can’t be the Diva anymore I might as well be Red Skelton, right? Enjoy the tunes!

Before I get started on the fun stuff, everyone please send Kyra Sutra some positive energy. Things are not going so well for her, and she could use all the good wishes, comfort, and support we can give her. I wish she lived nearby so I could coax her to eat and take care of herself, and just give her a hug and let her know people care about her.

Since it’s Marcus Monday and I’m bumming, I need a serious dose of my favorite hot guy today. Umm umm. He does look delicious there. Now, do you see why writing Alaric Kohl curls my toes? If you didn’t read my guest blogger post by Lex and Car, you should. When they talk about Alaric, it’s all about Marcus to me since Marcus is the physical representation of Alaric. He really does make my achy back feel better, just to look at him. Makes me wonder how he’d make me feel in person. I bet my back would get better right away. Heh.

Speaking of yummy men, three blogs with hotness come to mind. Jester, whom I only just checked out this weekend, has some hotness on his blog from Friday. The middle dude was yummo. He had the hottest eyes. The second hottie is David over at BellaDaddyBlog, who posted 2 pics. One was recent and the other was from when we were in high school. If you hop over to his blog you’ll see that I sure can pick em. I always did have a good eye for a hot man. It helps that David is the sweetest, funniest guy ever too. The third hot dude is Karl from Secondhand Tryptophan. Karl has been writing about sex lately. He does this very well too. And his blog is looking smoking hot these days, all new and gorgeous. Stop by and check out these yummy dudes.

Did you check out the LOL cat pic I made on Sunday? It’s Neko and Swirly. Neko whose name is now PREGO. Anyone want what is sure to be a beautiful *cough* maniacal *cough* kitten? Yes, my kid let me down once again. I know that this is what teens do to you, promise and lag at following through, but I am upset nonetheless. It does not help that the PITA tells me, “Things could be worse, Mom. I could be pregnant.” I did not need to hear that.

So now, I am at the Marcus awards for this Monday. It was a slow week for reacharounds, er comments. Some bloggers were taking some time off. Others were just busy. And I’m sure some just didn’t wanna read my shit. It’s all good. Life ebbs and flows. Rather like a septic tank. Our top earner this week is Shiny with 5. Then we have Mary and Susan with 4 each. Followed by Matt, Kaige, Kyra, and Karl with 2 each. Our onesies are Nicholas, Tempest, Jennifer, Darla, Harris, Ann, Pussreboots, Adelle, The Absurdist, Turnbaby, Anthony North, Missy, Blufeenix, Euroyank, and Metalmom. Next week is our recap to date. We are getting very close to end of this Marcus contest. I’m thinking I should change up the criteria for the next round, but I’m still pondering that.

Before I sign off, I first want to say that Mr. Fabulous had the BEST show ever on Sunday night. It was the Big Honkin’ Duet Show and the songs were fantastic! Some people were excellent singers, others were poor singers but such AWESOME sports, and others were just going for the laughs. All in all, a simply superb time was had by all. I may even lend my well trained but disease abused vocal cords to the next show. If my vocal cords are damaged beyond what sounds pleasant to the ear, I’ll go for the laughs somehow. I know Fab will assist me ably there.

My last comment before bed is that if you ever wanted to know how to be a girly girl, please visit the Absurdist. She is taking us step by step through the whole process. This week… eyelashes. How to make sure that you have some to bat at men. Heh. An excellent video tutorial. Have a great Monday everyone!