Alone

Author: Winter  |  Category: rants, whining

I’m beyond pissed off at someone who is staying in my house at the moment. I cannot do anything right now, I am so pissed off. I cannot go off on this person either. He has a heart condition, and he’s a bonehead. He’s been a bonehead most of my adult life. Saying something will get me absolutely nowhere. And I’ll feel guilty later if I yell at him. I mean, his kids don’t do jack for him. I guess I feel a little resentful because I supported him for a few years. A few years when I didn’t have the money to. I lost everything I owned because I was supporting more people than I could afford to.

He’s here “visiting”. That really means he has nowhere to go and no money until his Social Security check hits the bank Monday. I was hoping that then he would go back to Seattle, but apparently, he’s not quite ready to go yet. It might be another couple of weeks… I hope I survive that long.

For the 2 weeks he’s been here I’ve barely turned on my TV because he has to have the TV on in the living room. I can’t afford an inflated electricity bill so I leave my TV off. He has all kinds of lights on because his vision is bad. He has poor marksmanship in the bathroom. He cooks and leaves food out all day and night. All of which wouldn’t be so bad if he would just CLEAN UP AFTER HIMSELF!

I’m so angry right now, I’m crying. My brand new manicure is messed up from cleaning the stove because he couldn’t clean up from the stuff he cooked yesterday and the day before. And then he roasted a chicken and baked on all the crap he spilled on the stove yesterday.

Tomorrow, I’m going to the company picnic… ALONE. That’s right. I’m not taking my brother. I’m not taking anyone. I am NOT good company right now. And the worst thing of all… this stupid shit makes me feel very alone. I put a good face on it for those around me and for those I’m talking to on IM, but the fact of the matter is… I am alone and I FEEL alone.

This is why I need my characters, and why I’ve been rather irritated that I couldn’t write them. They are never too busy playing online or going to the mall to have time for me. It’s just imaginary time… but still, they never leave me alone. I can always turn to them and lose myself in them. I don’t feel inferior with them. I don’t feel like a wallflower or the unpopular girl or the bitch with them. They hear me. They listen to me. Okay, maybe the guys flirt with me too. HEH. I mean, if they don’t, who will?

Maybe it’s a horrible selfish whiny ass woe is me pack of bullshit fed by where I work, but a lot of the time, I wonder how long anyone would miss me if I died. And ya know, even though it is a stupid whiny feeling sorry for myself thing, I think I’m entitled to a few of those a year, wouldn’t you think? I’m responsible the rest of the time after all.

Sheesh. I’m already regretting what I’ve ranted. I guess, it’s not just the alone. I think… I think I’m lonely too. I can’t remember the last time I really felt lonely. I talk on IM and in email and on boards and to people at work… all the time. But for some reason, I think I feel lonely. It’s kinda weird. I haven’t had this feeling in a very long time. I’m no Pollyanna, but I always spring back from every bad mood I have. I guess I will from this one too. It’s just that I can’t remember the last time I felt like one of those movie tricks where someone is standing still and there is all kinds of activity that goes on around them in a blur because they filmed it in slow motion. All these conversations going on around me, on Twitter, in IM, email, boards, in the office, in my house… and I’m just not feeling connected. Weird.

I’m going to bed. Maybe my characters will talk to me. Motley was nice to me on the phone just now. She’s gonna help me get my hair really straight tomorrow morning for the picnic. That’s nice of her. Although… she still needs to take out the trash. HEH.

Wishing you a non-lonely Sunday!

Nitpicky

Author: Winter  |  Category: rants, whining

Everything irks me. I’m in one of those prickly kinda moods where nothing satisfies. I look at my template and I seethe. I think about all the stuff I wanna tweak in Photoshop because I need to create something “perfect”. I read other blogs and think, why aren’t I this funny or deep? I stand at the refrigerator door, stomach growling like a grizzly bear, contemplating everything that is inside the big white box… and close the door. Nothing in there appeals. Which is fucking bizarre because for one, I have BACON. For another, I buy what I like when I order groceries. I don’t have anyone else to please at the moment when I’m buying food.

This phenomena inside me occurs every now and again. Usually, I cannot write when I’m in this mood. What I end up doing is working on the Bar character pages. Or I make something else new. I’m not sure I understand why I feel the need to build/create when I’m in a dissatisfied state. I mean, the writing is building and creating too. Why can’t I do it when I’m feeling persnickety?

I’ve got a ton of projects I’m juggling and I’m eager to do them all. Why is it that I’m more interested in breakfast at Johnny Reb’s? And not for the food either because at the moment, nothing appeals even though my stomach is protesting. Maybe I just want out of the house. But if that is the case, why am I feeling like I don’t wanna go get the mani/pedi that I have to get because the company picnic is tomorrow? (Cannot show up in flip flops without a fresh pedi. God forbid that I give someone fresh fodder to gossip about me!) I have to go to the bank, but I don’t wanna. I need to watch my races at the sim because I have a 2 year old filly who is so evenly matched against another filly that the race should be incredibly exciting. But I’m dragging my heels about clicking the link.

I don’t think I’m unhappy per se. Dissatisfied with some things, certainly. Depressed about money, always. But what the hell do those things have to do with me feeling bitchy and nitpicky and just… irritated? And before one of you raises the female banner let me tell you point blank that it is NOT PMS. I do not suffer from it. I have never in my life had excess estrogen. I am missing internal girly parts and because of that I have never had PMS. Menopause is going to be a piece of cake for me because I won’t need hormone replacement, I’m told by my doctor. I’ve never had much of it to begin with.

I guess I just have to be a crank ass every now and again. A Scrooge, if you will. Irritated. Pissy. Cantankerous. Bitchy. Whiny. Persnickety. Fussy. Disgruntled. That’s it. I’m a fucking malcontent. A nitpicky malcontent. Luckily, the mood won’t last. Something will perk me up like boobs in a water bra. This mood never lasts. If it did, I might need to shoot myself. Or change my blog template daily.

Have a great non-nitpicky Saturday, people of the Blogosphere!

Feed Me!

Author: Winter  |  Category: Blog Talk Radio, dreams, friends, pimping, rants

Yanno, I took Karl’s words to heart and I went back to my feed reader. Not just because Karl is the voice of sensibility on this issue, but because I’m really not up to clicking 60 freaking links all the time. Anyway, I’m finding that going back to the reader is annoying me. Well, really several things are annoying me. First of all, Feed Demon sucks at updating. I see a bunch of twats on Twitter with updates and I eagerly open Feed Demon. Nothing. I click on the manual refresh. Nothing. Two hours later, I see Karl’s newest post appear on Feed Demon… long after I’ve gone straight to Secondhand Tryptophan outside the reader. I check Newsgator too, which is synced with Feed Demon. Same thing. Lagging SOBs.

The other thing that gets me with using a feed reader isn’t really about the feed reader. It’s about the sites. Karl went into that stuff about feeds and RSS and feedburners. My annoyances are more specific. The big one is comments. Dave2 and Avitable do comments perfectly. Although, Avitable’s “Subscribe to the comments of this muthafucka” isn’t how everyone should offer this service, it IS the right thing to do. Dave2 has a link on his left sidebar for a comments feed. What’s so special about Dave and Adam, you ask (other than the obvious)? Their links are not comments for a specific post. It’s comments for ALL posts. ME LIKEY. This is so freaking easy a blog baby like me can do it!

Really the last thing that annoys me are all the authors out there who want you to READ them, but don’t supply you with a feed link. This is bad marketing. Some of us read A LOT OF BLOGS. A feed reader is a must when you get over a certain number. Everyone should offer a feed link. But most especially, authors should! I can’t believe how many author blogs and sites I’ve seen in the past 5 months who do not have feed or comment links. I WANT TO READ WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY! HELP ME HERE! I also wanna shoot off emails to all of them, telling them I’ll fix it for them! I would read many more author blogs, and read more frequently, if they all had links to their feeds and comments. It’s so sad that they are missing out on this awesome marketing tool. So those of you without those links, please think about putting them on your blog. I promise to read you more often if you do.

Alright, my little rant is done but the Feed Me part isn’t over with yet. You see, I listened to the New Improved Jester Show on Talk Shoe last night. I wasn’t crazy about the fancy pro app with the chat bubbles. Too busy for me. I went back to the web client and was quite happy. So happy, in fact, that I had the weirdest, most vivid dream about the show and the chat people and a couple of my friends. Here’s how it went:

Jester’s show turned into this big party in a huge mansion. Karl was giving out Secondhand Tryptophan buttons and explaining WJP. Jester was laughing a lot and UMB was making margys and threatening to run naked through the house. Everyone was telling him that wasn’t a threat at all. They wanted to see that! My friend Jen was there handing out chocolate pudding cups. Every time he got one, Dave would go back to the end of the line. (No surprise there!) He must have been worried though because he said he hoped he wasn’t allergic to chocolate pudding. He wasn’t sure he could stab himself with the epi pen…

My friend Greg, who is sorta seeing my friend Jen, showed up at the party then. He said margys were pussy drinks, to which Hilly told him, “Sweet sweet pussy…” In the kitchen, someone had set out a big pan of enchiladas which Greg liked. He told Jen to drink the margys and he’d eat the enchiladas. Dave told Greg, “No pudding for you!” and he took all the pudding cups from Jen. Greg ignored him and asked about the naked gay guy running around. That’s when I noticed UMB had decided he didn’t like his clothes anymore. Jen then told Greg that at least it wasn’t Darrie (who is 6′10″) from Zanctuary running around naked.

Howard was wondering if someone had a camera on UMB. Hellohahanarf was trying to explain to Othurme that she really did have TWO breasts. He didn’t seem to believe her because he kept asking for proof. Jester was so busy with a photo from TSMOregon that he missed UMB’s flashing. He was also praising Talk Shoe and trying to convert Karl and Hilly over to the “light side”. Someone said Mr. Drunkulous was on the phone. Someone was yelling about twats. Someone else was complaining about static and a hush fell over the room when a booming godlike voice said, “Macs are for sissies.” I thought Dave and Jester were going to have an apoplexy, but then Hilly said she found the tiara and I woke up.

I think I’ve been listening to too many Blog Talk Radio shows while talking to Jen in YIM. Have a freaky frakin Friday… TWKS!

TT the 16th - Evil

Author: Winter  |  Category: The Bar Story, memes, writing

Who’s evil, baby? There is definitely some evil lurking in the Bar Story. If you don’t believe me, just keep reading!

1. Caden DeCameron - Evil mage/alchemist who has it in for: Winter and Tristan Blackthorne, Winter and Tristan’s kids Rhiannon and Galen, Nyx McClaren, the Kronos family, and his own daughter Ainsley. Caden is on a centuries long search for the Beginning of War Sapphire and the Sword of Conflict that the stone belongs in. He’s already lost the End of War Sapphire and the Sword of Unity to Derek Draconarius-Wyrme, thanks to the Blackthornes, The McClaren, the Kronos brothers, and Ainsley. He’s not about to let a little thing like blood ties stop his quest to wreak havoc on the dragon world.

2. Mordred Wellesley - Evil wizard who has it in for : His cousin Eden, fellow wizard Garren Fairfax, and keeper of the Dragonfire amulet Dravened Draco. Thus far in the story, we know that Mordred hates all vampires which means he’s got no qualms about offing his cousin if he has to. After all, her mate is a bloodsucker. Mordred killed Garren’s brother, the great wizard Rohan, in order to get his wand. He also wants to find the magical house that Garren inherited from Rohan. Garren is hiding Dravened (also known as Oz) in a magical golden cage in the house. While in the cage, neither Mordred nor even the dragon god Aminan can find Oz. Why Mordred wants Oz and why he killed Rohan for the wand, have yet to be revealed…

3. Macaire - Fallen Angel who is supposed to be good, but apparently has gone bad because he has it in for: Nyx McClaren. Macaire has been hunting Nyx for about a year, but he kicked it up a notch when Nyx turned up with a mate, Valerian Kronos. For reasons Macaire has yet to reveal, Nyx with a mate infuriates him. He’s already made veiled threats against Val’s life. Now, he’s made a veiled threat against Alfred, Nyx’s am feare-fair (an immortal guardian). Whenever Nyx is around Macaire, the magical Ogham rings that she and Val wear as wedding rings, begin to glow. Since the rings were given to her by the fae god Oberon, she believes they are meant to protect her and Val. The glow means there is a threat to them. Thus far, Macaire has shown very little of his hand. The question is, when he does make good on his threats, will Nyx and Val be able to thwart him? And why hasn’t the Archangel Marius stopped his evil deeds?

4. Rachel Sullivan aka The Black Widow - Rachel is now dead, but when she was alive she had it in for: her son Ryland, her bloodmate Merrick, and any man she married. Rachel was evil from the word go. She started on her path as a Black Widow when her son was very small. Once he was old enough to know what she was doing, he left. When Rachel met her bloodmate, she devised a way to use him to get power from a demon. She bonded with him in order to receive her soul. Then she drained her bloodmate and left him to die while she traded her soul to a demon for the use of a succubus and the ability to walk freely in the daylight without burning. In the end Rachel is killed by her bloodmate, who didn’t die, a fae witch, the son of a god and a Gorgon, and Titania Queen of the Fairies.

5. The Hellbounds - Hellbounds vampires are male vampires who suffer from a disease that drives them mad and turns them evil. The HB virus is hereditary, handed down from father to son through the male line only. The Parisian HBs had it in for: The Kohl family. Vincent and Thaddeus Larouche, brothers and the leaders of the HBs in France had a sister who was bloodmate to Frederick Kohl. Helene and Frederick had a child, unbeknownst to the rest of the Kohl family. Their son Griffin is the reason the Larouche brothers have a vendetta against the Kohls. The brothers killed their sister and had Frederick and his wife killed. However, servants hid baby Griffin from his uncles’ rage. The Larouche brothers kidnapped and tortured Griffin’s half sister Sascha for fifty years. They forced his half brother Johann to steal for them. They kidnapped and converted Griffin’s cousin Alaric’s bloodmate Penelope, turning her against the Kohls too. The list of evils perpetrated against the Kohl family by the HBs is long… and about to get longer at a Kohl wedding.

6. Penelope Vanders - Penelope was Alaric Kohl’s bloodmate, but she was kidnapped by Thaddeus Larouche and infected by the HB virus, becoming the HB Queen. She went after Alaric Kohl because she thought he hadn’t tried to rescue her. Alaric spent years in a drunken haze alternating between thinking that he couldn’t protect his bloodmate, or that she would rather be with a monster than with him. While on a mission to find Penelope once and for all, Alaric met Lex Valentine and fell in love. Meanwhile, Penelope was stalking both Alaric and Lex. Eventually, Lex went after Penelope on her own, in an attempt to free Alaric from his former bloodmate. When Alaric goes looking for Lex he finds her chained, and he trades his life for Lex’s, but in the end, Lex battles Penelope for Alaric and the Mother of all Vampires takes Penelope away.

7. Daggon - Daggon was an evil pixie who was obsessed with a pixie princess named Lacey. He’s another character who is dead now. In order to have Lacey, Daggon killed her father and frightened her mother. He got her mother to sign betrothal papers. When Lacey and her sister Rosalie discover this, they come up with a plan to fake Lacey’s death. Once this is accomplished, they figure they will be free of Daggon. However, Rosalie’s betrothed has a little run in with Oberon the Fae King and takes off for the Otherworld. With Lacey presumed dead, and Rosalie’s betrothed missing, Daggon sets his sights on Rosalie and slaps an armband on her that hurts her every time she touches another man. Eventually, the riddle that kept the band on is solved, thwarting Daggon. Lacey and Rosalie’s former betrothed are both discovered alive and well. After a few more evil deeds including kidnapping Lacey, Daggon is killed by his own sister.

8. Onyx Blackthorne - Evil half brother to Tristan Blackthorne who has it in for: Tristan and his family and anyone else he feels like messing with. Actually, Onyx is dead now. After centuries of torturing his own people and ruling as the black wyvern when he wasn’t, Onyx discovers that his half brother is still alive. Set on a campaign to eliminate his brother’s family, Onyx kidnaps the blue wyvern’s pregnant mate, which draws out 4 of the best black dragon warriors to rescue her. One does not survive the rescue. He sets assassination squads after Rhiannon, Tristan’s heir. In league with Caden DeCameron, he kidnaps Winter and Mary Draconarius-Wyrme. However, Onyx reckons without Tristan’s determination to free his people from Onyx’s oppression. When Onyx challenges Tristan for Winter, he’s killed by Tristan who takes off his head with a sword named Redemption.

9. William the Slayer - William is a vampire slayer who is out to get: Gracie Burke. He got close to her at a vulnerable time in her life. He slept with her and acted as if he was her boyfriend. Then he tried to stake her. Gracie still carries the scar on her chest from the attempted staking. Now, William is back and he’s stalking her. He’s terrorized her, leaving things for her to find when she wakes up. He boldly tried to kill her with a crossbow. He trashed her apartment, spray painting DIE BLOODSUCKER on the walls and destroying everything inside. He’s still out there waiting to get her, but now she’s being protected by Rune, the rock star she’s had a secret crush on for years. Rune is sure that Gracie is his bloodmate and he will do anything to save her from the madman who is after her. Gracie just wants to get away from the man who unknowingly broke her heart years before. It’s a game of cat and mouse and rock star that is only just now beginning to heat up the Bar.

10. Madspawn - Madspawn was a Hellbound vampire, a hired killer who assassinated anything he was paid to kill including humans. He was hunted by Eden Wellesley and Sterling MacCarran, two CIA agents specializing in Otherworld crimes. He was killed during a battle in Pere Lachaise Cemetery with all the Hellbounds.

11. Goddess of Mischief - The GoM comes around every so often and fucks with people’s lives. The last time she made an appearance, she put a poisonous berry in baby Antonio’s bottle. The poison caused him to grow up overnight. Whenever something unexpected and evil needs to happen, the GoM is there for us to use. She has a couple of evil henchmen that include Bloodbane and this abomination whose name I forget. I do remember that the abomination ate another villian, the Romanov brothers’ mother. Yuck.

12. Mama Romanov - She who was eaten, liver first, by the abomination whose name I forget… She was out to kill her son Nikolai’s mate Gayla. She tried to cut a deal with the GoM who turned the tables on her. She was pretty evil, constantly trying to undermine Gayla and finally just out and out plotting to kill her.

13. Assorted rapists (Zane and some blue dragon and Jolek), assorted henchmen (mostly black dragons), assorted people who do stupid shit against others but who aren’t really evil, and a few people who started out kinda bad but ended up good.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Have a luscious Thursday yummy people!

Heated Humpday

Author: Winter  |  Category: The Bar Story, hotties, vampires, writing

Do you hate it when the alarm wakes you? I mean, that IS it’s job. However, I seriously hate it when the alarm wakes me. I don’t like be startled for one. I like to be already fully awake when it goes off so I can shut it off without fumbling. Well, the past few mornings, my alarm has awakened me. I am so irked! I’m not sure why my body is so tired. At any rate, I think I’ll listen to it and hobble off to bed to watch CNN until Larry King’s croaky-ass voice puts me into the land of Zzzzzzzz. Before I go, let me entertain you by cranking up the heat…

Yeah, I used Avril Lavigne in the Bar. She’s the physical representation of Kendall Reed. Here’s her intro to the Bar as told by Darrien Ellsworth.

She was so intrigued by the vampire punching the dragon that her fangs were half down. The sight of those fangs had me half out of my seat. Her overall package was hot. She was of medium height with long straight blonde hair that was black underneath. Her body was definitely sizzling. She wore a black pleated school girl skirt with red plaid pleats, a black tank top that barely covered her belly button and didn’t reach the waist of the skirt, black leather cuffs on her wrists, and black Converse high top sneakers. Around her neck were several silver chains and on one hung a huge black star. She looked good enough to bite.

I made my way over to the VIP bar where she’d taken up residence at one end. She’d come in with four guys, but they’d all disappeared. As I walked toward her, I decided she looked sort of familiar, but I just couldn’t place where I would have seen her before. I bellied up to the bar next to her and asked the female bartender for a Vampire’s Revenge. The bartender cocked an eyebrow at me in a sarcastic way, but started making the drink.

“Not very subtle are you?”

The husky voice was that of the woman I’d been checking out. I turned toward her with a little smile quirking my lips. “I can be, but what’s the point most of the time?” I told her.

A laugh escaped her. “Subtlety isn’t my strong suit either,” she admitted.

When she spoke, I could see those fangs, and I suppressed a shiver of lust. Her blue eyes gleamed. I could swear she knew how I felt. “Your accent, it’s Welsh, isn’t it?” I asked her as I took my drink from the bartender and paid.

My blonde nodded and tilted her chin toward me. “Yours is pure boarding school English,” she replied. “Like Prince William or something.”

I shrugged. “I went to Eton,” I admitted, not telling her that I’d gone to Eton in 1805 and not with the current Prince William.

She took a swallow of her ale and then licked her lips. My eyes were drawn to the movement of her tongue, and she chuckled. “Not with Wills, I’d bet,” she said catching me out. “How old are you?”

“Two hundred seventeen. I was born in 1790.” I didn’t mind telling her the truth. There was nothing to be gained by lying.

“So old,” she laughed huskily. “I’m the same age as Rune. I was born in 1954.”

“I’m not old. I’m considered very young for a vampire.” I jerked my head toward my table where Sebastian sat. “My brother’s a hundred years older than me.”

The blonde looked over at my brother and pursed her lips then her eyes returned to mine. “I’m Kendall,” she said holding out one hand with short black painted nails.

I shook her hand, ignoring the frisson of awareness that went through me when our skin touched. “I’m Darrien Ellsworth.” She smiled at me again and the sight of those fangs just rocked me. Then it dawned on me where I’d seen her before. Her name had given it away. It had been on a poster advertising a club in London. She was a singer. Kendall Reed.

“You’re a singer,” I said, wondering how she was going to react to me recognizing her.

She stiffened, and I realized that recognizing her was not going to be a good thing. “Yes,” she said curtly and knocked back the rest of her ale, setting the tall glass on the bar. “Excuse me. I’ve got to find my guys.”

“Your band?” I asked her curiously. She flashed me the coldest look I’d ever gotten from a woman.

“Yes.” Her reply was tight and angry. I didn’t understand what I’d done wrong but she’d gone from warm and amusing to an ice cold bitch in the blink of an eye.

She started to walk away, and I caught her arm in my hand. “Wait a second, Kendall,” I said in a carefully neutral voice, hoping to soothe her. It didn’t work. She turned on me with a hiss and a flash of fully dropped fangs.

“Don’t touch me.” She jerked her arm from my grasp. “Men like you are NOT my type. You fucking suck.”

Yeah, she’s a bitchy one alright. Heh. Her story will be told as soon as some other storylines wrap up.

Next, I dug into the archives to give you a piece of Lex Valentine Kohl’s past. This is Chris Evans, who is the physical representation of Johann Kohl, Shinygal’s character. At one point, Lex and Johann sorta had a thing going before she met his cousin Alaric and fell in love. Here’s a taste of Lex with someone other than Alaric.

No one understood me. They all thought I was megabitch Lex, cold and unfeeling. Only Carlisle and Dominic had any clue how much I longed to have my life back, to feel close to someone and feel loved again. No one understood how the real me wept brokenheartedly behind the facade of the cold bitch.

Despair rose within me. I fought it, but I was too weak, and it overwhelmed me. I began to sob as everything I longed for, and everything I felt, became too much for me to bear. I rolled across the bed, reaching for a pillow, but got tangled in the sheet and fell to the floor. I scooted back into the corner that was made by the wall and the side of the bed. I drew my knees up and pressed my face to them as I tried to stem the tide of uncontrollable sobbing that welled up from deep within me.

A muffled curse came from the bathroom door and, even in the depths of my despair, over the sound of my sobs, I felt Johann’s presence standing over me. “Holy Mother, what’s wrong, Lex?” I heard him move. Then I felt the warmth of his body next to me on the floor.

“Go away,” I told him, not lifting my face from my knees.

“No,” he insisted. “I can’t leave you when you’re this upset.”

I cried harder, my whole body shaking with it. I wrapped my arms around my updrawn knees, hugging myself. I couldn’t bear to have him see me like this. I couldn’t bear for anyone to witness this, but most especially Johann. I felt his fingers brush the bare skin of my arm. I jerked my head up from my knees, baring my fangs at him, my eyes feral with pain. “Go the fuck away, Johann!” I snarled, snapping at him with my fangs.

“Not a chance,” he said grimly, his steel blue eyes determined.

My heart sank as I realized the wild anger in me wasn’t going to scare him away. I dropped my face back onto my knees and moaned, begging him, “Please, Johann. Please, please just go away. I can’t bear this.”

I felt his fingers burrow beneath my hair and then between my chin and my knees. He lifted my head and pulled it toward him so that our eyes met, his serious and concerned, mine crazed with pain. He gazed deeply into my red rimmed, tear swollen eyes, and I knew he saw the soulless despair that I couldn’t hide. I’d seen myself in a mirror before when I’d been like this. The loss of my soul made my eyes look like two gaping holes swirling with unfathomable pain and despair. It was horrifying and ugly.

After staring into my eyes for a long moment, a small sound escaped Johann. He reached out and gathered me into his arms, dragging me onto his lap as he sat on the floor. His thighs in the soft sweats were hard beneath me. I could feel the tensile strength in his bare arms as they curved around me, his hands stroking soothingly over my naked shoulder blades. I sat stiffly for a moment, the tears and sobs still racking my body, but as his hands pressed against my spine, I let the pressure move me into the curve of his warm body. Suddenly, I wrapped my arms around his rib cage, and with my face pressed to his hard naked chest, I let go. The pain filled sobs tore through me violently, but his body absorbed the hard quakes and shudders as he held me tightly, soothingly.

As my sobs lessened, I felt Johann’s hands in my hair. “Tell me,” he whispered.

I lifted my head for a moment and looked at him. His pain was there in his blue eyes, not hidden as it usually was. I saw his own despair at being left without his bloodmate, and I knew he had discerned what was wrong with me. I was a mess. My hair a wild froth, sticking to my wet face. My eyes were swollen and my skin blotchy from the rage of tears. Certainly, I was not in the least desirable, but in those few seconds of recognition of a mutual pain, he looked at me with an incredible wealth of sorrow, desire, and the indescribable need to be with someone who understood what rippled beneath the surface of the faces we showed the world.

“I saw the story in the paper about you losing your bloodmate,” I said in a hoarse whisper. “They made it sound like it had never happened before.”

“But it did. It happened to you,” he said in a low tone.

A tender moment from Johann, who later turns into a raging asshole after he and Lex break up. Still, Chris Evans is a hottie, as is Avril Lavigne. We tend to choose some really good looking people for the Bar. It’s easier to write the characters when you want to lick them yourself. Hee hee.

Hope you enjoyed the heat. I’ll be back tomorrow, but I have no clue what I will be posting. Ooooh! Don’t you love a mystery? MUAH, peoples!

Panic

Author: Winter  |  Category: The Bar Story, Tuesday tune, music, writing

Today’s tune is a song I really like. I’m a fan of Dave Navarro’s music and there’s just something really evocative about this song. I’ve been busy working on some writing pieces so I haven’t been around to blogs quite as much as usual. I’ll catch up in a couple of days, I promise. I’m still working on why I can’t access Fab’s site too. Must be some kind of voodoo hex or something because I can’t find a tech reason why it times out when I visit or ping his site.

For those of you who like little excerpts of my writing, here’s a recent post from the Bar. It starts out with sex and ends with fear… panic really, which fits the song. Nice little touch, I thought. Oh, and one last note before you read, an Am fear-faire is a sort of mystical, immortal guardian.

“Oh, fuck. Oh, baby,” Valerian moaned as he thrust into me.

I pushed my hips back as he thrust into me. “Damn it, Val! We can’t show up at your brother’s wedding reeking of sex,” I panted.

“You’ll put your hands in the sink and magic the smell away,” he groaned, pushing his cock into me harder.

I gripped the edge of the sink and fought to keep my eyes open as pleasure washed through me. “I don’t know if I can make the smell of sex go away with my powers,” I replied through gritted teeth. Stringing words together so that they made sense was getting more difficult as the sex progressed and I drew closer to orgasm. “And I know I can’t do anything about your wrinkled trousers,” I muttered.

“Shut up, Nyx. Stop talking and just fuck me,” Valerian growled. He shoved the top of my dress down and fondled my breasts with one hand. His other hand was between my thighs, teasing my clit.

I turned my head, seeking his mouth. He kissed me hard, his breathing totally out of control, his face flushed. I felt the heat in him rising and knew he was about to feed me his fire. My tongue twisted around his as the heat of his fire rushed through my veins, kicking my arousal up a notch. My knees began to shake as my orgasm hit me. The feel of Valerian’s cock within me, the cold marble of the counter beneath my fingers, Valerian’s hard chest pressing against my back and the wet heat of his tongue twisted around mine while the remnants of his fire still bubbled in my veins, made my orgasm burst inside me like fireworks. I felt Valerian coming too, the wet gush of his seed triggering another orgasm in me.

The sex was awesome. The aftermath was horrid. I had to be careful not to get anything on my dress. I had to clean up and look for my panties. I had to struggle into the panties and adjust my garter belt. Then I had to check my makeup and fix my hair. Fixing Valerian was rough. His pants were creased and I had to steam them while he was wearing them to get the wrinkles out.

“Ow! The steam is hot!” he complained as the steamer jetted out clouds and filled the bathroom.

“Suck it up, Val,” I warned him. “You’re a dragon. Heat doesn’t bother you.”

Valerian sighed heavily and let me finish. Once we were returned to our pristine pre-sex pre-wedding neatness, I sprayed myself with cologne and spritzed Val with his cologne. He frowned at me. “Nyx, go easy with that stuff,” he muttered with a cough.

I looked at the time. “Shit. Shit! Go get the car! We’re gonna be late!”

Valerian hitched up his sleeve and looked at his watch. “Damn. I’ll meet you at the front door,” he said, turning toward the bedroom. “Hurry!”

When Valerian had gone I went looking for my purse. I stuffed my Treo into it and turned toward the door when a voice stopped me.

“So affectionate,” Macaire said smoothly. “Stop talking and just fuck me. How romantic!”

Anger shot through me. “Get out, Macaire,” I said in a low tone.

Macaire frowned at me. “Now what kind of welcome is that for a relative?” he replied, his smile as cold as the North Sea.

I stopped myself from blinking in surprise. “You’re not my relative.” I kept my tone even and didn’t give away the fact that I had no clue what he was talking about.

He shook his blonde head and took off his wrap around sunglasses. “You think not? Best consult your Am fear-faire, my dear. Alfred knows more about your heritage than you do. Another reason why you are such a poor candidate to be the McClaren,” he murmured as he strolled around me.

I twisted, keeping him in sight at all times, wondering how much of my power was left from my shower. Macaire was playing some kind of game and I was very much afraid it was a deadly game. “I’m no candidate to be the McClaren. I AM the McClaren. There is no one else left in my line,” I gritted out, trying to get my anger under control.

“So you say, Nyx.” Macaire stopped by the French doors. He waved a hand and they opened. “You’d best speak to Alfred, and soon. He’s quite old, you know. Something could easily… happen to him.”

With a sharky grin, Macaire stepped through the French doors. They swished closed. I ran to them, but by the time I reached them, he was gone. Now, anger and fear warred within me. Macaire’s threats were barely veiled this time, and the clues he’d dropped had me scrambling for my phone. Then I saw the time and cursed.

I grabbed my purse and ran for the front of the chateau. As much as I didn’t want to have this conversation with Alfred in front of Valerian, now I was stuck. I was sure that bastard Macaire knew this too. He’d planned it all this way. Whatever the hell was going on with him, Alfred knew something about it. And calling Alfred in front of Val meant that now Val would know what it was too.

I ran out the front door of the chateau and jumped into the front seat of the Jaguar that Valerian was driving. As he raced down the drive, I stared at the Ogham rings. They were glowing faintly.

“What the fuck took you so long?” Valerian grumbled.

I reached into my purse and pulled out my phone. I hit the speed dial for my penthouse. “Business, Val. Really serious business,” I said.

My tone must have alerted him that something was wrong. He shot me a glance that was filled with worry. Then Alfred picked up.

“How the hell does Macaire know that you are my Am fear-faire?” I bit out, my voice shaking with anger.

On the other end of the phone, Alfred sighed. “I was afraid of this.”

“Afraid of what?” I almost yelled into the phone.

Valerian’s hands tightened on the wheel. “Nyx? What’s wrong?” he asked urgently.

I looked at him and said, “I don’t know Val. I just don’t know.”

Have a great Tuesday!

Memorial Marcus Monday

Author: Winter  |  Category: Blog Talk Radio, Marcus Monday, Marcus Schenkenberg, awards

I tried to find a pic of Marcus wrapped in an American flag like Liz Phair was. No such luck. *sigh* The best I could do was a patriotic headband. Still, he’s beautiful so it matters not what he wears. And usually, the less he wears the better for us. HEH.

Since I have to work on Memorial Day I’m just gonna cut to the chase today. A big thanks to Fab for having me on his show. I don’t think anyone has ever asked me about grave robbers before… and thank you to Turnbaby for asking about how I got into writing about vampires. I’m all done pimping myself out for awhile I think. The duet show is the only other thing I’m scheduled to do.

This week’s Marcus awards ended up like this (due mostly to Fab’s drooling over Liz Phair): Mr. Fabulous-11, Mary-6, Hilly and Marty-4, Susan and Vixen-3, Shinygal, BPR, and Dave2- 2. Lots of onesies too. I appreciate each and every comment. In addition, I appreciate all those people who read me in their readers and lurk, but do not comment. When I get that Woopra, I may just have to surprise all the lurkers with a Hello and a Thank You for coming by!

Have a wonderful Memorial Day and don’t do like me and eat too much fried chicken and hot dogs.

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