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It seems like a day doesn’t go by that something doesn’t happen to make me fear my mortality. I’m sure one of the reasons I write about immortals is that I’m quite afraid of dying. Today, I got to work and discovered my co-worker’s husband had died in his sleep on Saturday. This is the second of my co-workers to lose a husband. It’s shocking. And heartbreaking.

With my mortality feeling very fresh and raw, I managed to get through the day. However, while others might feel that making sure someone has their “power of blog” is part of making arrangements, I know that’s not at all at the top of my list. I worry about Motley. I mean, the kid is already struggling. If something happens to me, she has no one. No parents. No grandparents. No family. I’m horribly afraid of what will happen to her if something happens to me.

I can’t even leave her much. 15K in an insurance policy from my work. That’s it. I own my car and some household appliances. Motley wouldn’t be able to stay in the condo we live in. She couldn’t pay for it, even if she had a roommate. This situation totally freaks me out.

I told her not to spend anything on me. If I’m still working for the cemetery, they will pay for everything except things like a burial permit, death certificates, and an alternative container to cremate me in. The only thing I wanted her to spend on was a nice urn that doubles as a jewelry box to keep me in. It should cost very little of the 15K to dispose of me. And I want it that way. She will need that money.

Fear drives a lot of the things I do. When I yell at her to clean up and stuff, I’m not just being pissy because there’s trash to go out and dust and dirt. As an asthmatic who can’t afford her meds because the co-pays are too much, my life often feels very fragile, especially when dirt and dust affect my breathing. All it would take is a virus or a bad asthma attack and Motley would be an orphan. And that totally scares me. Not for me so much, but for her.

Over the weekend, ShinyBitch went to CrueFest. She discovered Papa Roach. Rott and I have been fans for awhile, since the first CD. For my Tuesday Tune, I thought I’d play some Papa Roach. Since my theme today has been a sad one, I chose Roses On My Grave. I’m not going to be buried so there is no need for roses for me.

Papa Roach-Roses On My Grave

Go hug the people who matter to you today. You never know what you may wake up to. Or who may be gone when you open your eyes.

It felt like a long weekend. Probably because I spent so much of it writing. Next weekend will be a true long weekend since I spent some of my much horded vacation hours and took Friday and Monday off. I wasn’t sure if I would need recovery time since it’s Dave Diego next weekend. When it comes to bloggers, I’ve only met Hilly and Karl thus far, so Motley and I are truly excited about this event. Not that Hilly and Karl aren’t the pinnacle of bloggers, but you know what I mean.

I went to Blog Talk Radio yesterday to set a reminder for Turnbaby’s anniversary show, even though I knew I wasn’t going to get to listen to the whole thing. I had a Bar writer’s meeting online that I knew would pull me away at some point. However, when I went to set the reminder, I noticed a show that was on called The Mortal Vampire. Me being me, I had to check it out.

The Mortal Vampire seemed really cool and his chatroom was hopping. His guest was Bret Jordan who is an author and artist. They were talking about writing and someone in the chat asked how I’d found the show. So I told them about The Bar and that I write vampires. Bret instantly offered to put a link to The Bar on his links page. Very, very cool. I really enjoyed the show and will be listening again in the future. Many thanks to The Mortal Vampire and Bret Jordan for the plug.

Well, it is Monday, and I do have a Marcus for you. First, I have to say that I am just totally in lust with Christian de la Fuente from In Plain Sight. This guy really pushes my buttons which doesn’t happen very often with celebs. I think I totally called it last Monday when I said he was headed for Marcus status. Not that he would ever take Marcus’ place. No man could do that. I’m more than in lust with Marcus. If I ever met him in person, I would be a babbling fool because he reduces me to complete mush. Really, both these guys more than float my boat!

Last week there was a call for a shirtless Marcus so I’ve got one of those for you today. He’s young here, not that he’s old now, but 39 is old for a model. I guess it’s part of his supermodel status that he still looks good and is still working. Not a lot of guys look as good as he does at 39. He’s certainly inspiration for me when I’m writing hot scenes. My muse doesn’t really help me with those. He just tosses a few Marcus photos at me and heads off to get drunk. He knows the Marcus pictures will invoke the hottest of sex scenes.

I want to call out my thanks to Jen from Redneck Romance Writer and Susan from West of Mars for giving my Zanctuary writing contest entry a lookover yesterday. I appreciated the time you ladies took to read the piece and give me your opinions. The rest of you will get to read Silver Lining after the contest is over. The inspiration came from my past (the dude from yesterday), from Marcus and Christian, from a Lady Antebellum song, and from stuff that happens to people online. It’s an emotional piece from the get go, and yes, there is a sex scene! YAY!

Hope you all have a great Monday with whoever floats your boat!