I’m Full

Author: Winter  |  Category: food, rants

The IRS rebate check hit my mailbox today. My return had my old PO box on it so I mailed them a change of address. Did they manage to get the correct address on my check? NO. Bastards. Did they send the check to my old PO Box? NO. Bitches. Whoever got my change of address transposed the numbers when entering it into their system. Morons. Grrr.

Since I was flush, I ordered a white pizza. And boneless hot wings. The wings were a little warm so I drank a few bottles of water with dinner. I’m full now. Thanks Dubya.

No Roses

Author: Winter  |  Category: Motley, Tuesday tune, asthma, confessions

It seems like a day doesn’t go by that something doesn’t happen to make me fear my mortality. I’m sure one of the reasons I write about immortals is that I’m quite afraid of dying. Today, I got to work and discovered my co-worker’s husband had died in his sleep on Saturday. This is the second of my co-workers to lose a husband. It’s shocking. And heartbreaking.

With my mortality feeling very fresh and raw, I managed to get through the day. However, while others might feel that making sure someone has their “power of blog” is part of making arrangements, I know that’s not at all at the top of my list. I worry about Motley. I mean, the kid is already struggling. If something happens to me, she has no one. No parents. No grandparents. No family. I’m horribly afraid of what will happen to her if something happens to me.

I can’t even leave her much. 15K in an insurance policy from my work. That’s it. I own my car and some household appliances. Motley wouldn’t be able to stay in the condo we live in. She couldn’t pay for it, even if she had a roommate. This situation totally freaks me out.

I told her not to spend anything on me. If I’m still working for the cemetery, they will pay for everything except things like a burial permit, death certificates, and an alternative container to cremate me in. The only thing I wanted her to spend on was a nice urn that doubles as a jewelry box to keep me in. It should cost very little of the 15K to dispose of me. And I want it that way. She will need that money.

Fear drives a lot of the things I do. When I yell at her to clean up and stuff, I’m not just being pissy because there’s trash to go out and dust and dirt. As an asthmatic who can’t afford her meds because the co-pays are too much, my life often feels very fragile, especially when dirt and dust affect my breathing. All it would take is a virus or a bad asthma attack and Motley would be an orphan. And that totally scares me. Not for me so much, but for her.

Over the weekend, ShinyBitch went to CrueFest. She discovered Papa Roach. Rott and I have been fans for awhile, since the first CD. For my Tuesday Tune, I thought I’d play some Papa Roach. Since my theme today has been a sad one, I chose Roses On My Grave. I’m not going to be buried so there is no need for roses for me.

Papa Roach-Roses On My Grave

Go hug the people who matter to you today. You never know what you may wake up to. Or who may be gone when you open your eyes.

Floating My Boat

Author: Winter  |  Category: Blog Talk Radio, Marcus Monday, Marcus Schenkenberg, The Bar Story, hotties, pimping, vampires, writing

It felt like a long weekend. Probably because I spent so much of it writing. Next weekend will be a true long weekend since I spent some of my much horded vacation hours and took Friday and Monday off. I wasn’t sure if I would need recovery time since it’s Dave Diego next weekend. When it comes to bloggers, I’ve only met Hilly and Karl thus far, so Motley and I are truly excited about this event. Not that Hilly and Karl aren’t the pinnacle of bloggers, but you know what I mean.

I went to Blog Talk Radio yesterday to set a reminder for Turnbaby’s anniversary show, even though I knew I wasn’t going to get to listen to the whole thing. I had a Bar writer’s meeting online that I knew would pull me away at some point. However, when I went to set the reminder, I noticed a show that was on called The Mortal Vampire. Me being me, I had to check it out.

The Mortal Vampire seemed really cool and his chatroom was hopping. His guest was Bret Jordan who is an author and artist. They were talking about writing and someone in the chat asked how I’d found the show. So I told them about The Bar and that I write vampires. Bret instantly offered to put a link to The Bar on his links page. Very, very cool. I really enjoyed the show and will be listening again in the future. Many thanks to The Mortal Vampire and Bret Jordan for the plug.

Well, it is Monday, and I do have a Marcus for you. First, I have to say that I am just totally in lust with Christian de la Fuente from In Plain Sight. This guy really pushes my buttons which doesn’t happen very often with celebs. I think I totally called it last Monday when I said he was headed for Marcus status. Not that he would ever take Marcus’ place. No man could do that. I’m more than in lust with Marcus. If I ever met him in person, I would be a babbling fool because he reduces me to complete mush. Really, both these guys more than float my boat!

Last week there was a call for a shirtless Marcus so I’ve got one of those for you today. He’s young here, not that he’s old now, but 39 is old for a model. I guess it’s part of his supermodel status that he still looks good and is still working. Not a lot of guys look as good as he does at 39. He’s certainly inspiration for me when I’m writing hot scenes. My muse doesn’t really help me with those. He just tosses a few Marcus photos at me and heads off to get drunk. He knows the Marcus pictures will invoke the hottest of sex scenes.

I want to call out my thanks to Jen from Redneck Romance Writer and Susan from West of Mars for giving my Zanctuary writing contest entry a lookover yesterday. I appreciated the time you ladies took to read the piece and give me your opinions. The rest of you will get to read Silver Lining after the contest is over. The inspiration came from my past (the dude from yesterday), from Marcus and Christian, from a Lady Antebellum song, and from stuff that happens to people online. It’s an emotional piece from the get go, and yes, there is a sex scene! YAY!

Hope you all have a great Monday with whoever floats your boat!

Using the Past

Author: Winter  |  Category: writing

Okay, my muse was in a benevolent mood. He didn’t fuck me at all. He kissed me really hard though, and my past came back to haunt me. Fortunately, I think that was what my muse was trying for because I ditched my original idea and let my past, and all the inherent emotions that go with it, seep into my writing.

See, I’d had this idea about meshing together bits of Defending Your Life and the Wizard of Oz into this surreal piece about a woman swept up into a tornado. She meets the Grim Reaper and he does a Defending Your Love Life thing on her because she’s got a thing about “type”. She’s met a lot of really nice guys who were attractive and interested in her, but if they weren’t bad boys, she wasn’t interested. The Grim Reaper shows her what her narrowminded attitude has caused her to miss out on. In the end, after she wakes up on a stretcher and sees her mangled car, she falls for the nice guy EMT. Meanwhile, it’s revealed that the Reaper is really Cupid. He and the Reaper traded places and the Reaper played the part of a bad boy who showed the woman that bad boys sometimes really are just bad. Oh, and the EMT she falls for in the end, totally looks like the surfer dude persona Cupid had on when he was playing the Reaper. Twisted, isn’t it?

At any rate, I set aside Defending Your Love Life. I wasn’t feeling it for this contest. I was feeling really crappy that I had posted my dream when I should have saved it for the contest. I mean, that piece was HOT! So I was moping, feeling pissy and depressed because my muse was fucking me with Defending Your Love Life, and because I really wanted another piece reminiscent of the dream piece for this contest. That’s about the time my muse decided to give me the wake up call kiss.

He made me remember my past and all the people I’ve left behind. One in particular. Maybe it’s because Hilly and Karl are in SF that I was thinking of this guy. Here’s some pics from when we were all in SF together.

It was a long time ago, but I remember what a great time we had.

So the muse reminded me of this and the idea was born. I worked on it all day yesterday. No Twitter, barely any IM. It was over 5K words so I had to pare it down. I was pretty tired by the time it was finished so I worked on the rough draft a little this morning. It is definitely in the style of the dream, filled with a lot of emotion, and, of course, some sex at the end. The point to the piece was to tug at the reader’s heartstrings. I was listening to that Lady Antebellum song that talks about silver linings and that’s where my theme came from. The piece made me tear up when I read it this morning, but that could just be because I know where I had to dig these emotions out of.

My muse is fickle and yeah, he messes with me quite a bit. I think he was dead on this time though. I don’t care if I win this contest or not, because I know that the main character’s feelings are right where they ought to be. And I know that if I were in her shoes… I would do the same thing. Sometimes your past just isn’t as far away as you think it is. Tapping into those feelings is like a vampire tapping into a vein. Your blood flows just as swiftly now as it did back then.

I could dedicate this contest piece to the man in that photo up there, but that’s not who it is truly meant for. It’s for that woman in the photo, who still resides inside me somewhere. I know she still wants to believe, but she hasn’t taken out that golden medallion in years because essentially she’s given up that dream. It’s sad, but she knows her ending would not be the same as the one in the contest piece. Still, that sadness wrought those 5,000 words. When the contest is over, whether I win or place or lose, I’ll post the piece for you all and you can judge it. If it makes you smile or brings a tear to your eyes… I will feel like a winner.

Fuck Me Muse

Author: Winter  |  Category: Randomness, whining, writing

So my last blog post was hot, wasn’t it? I love it when the words flow from me, and they’re tight and passionate and so perfect for a freaking contest… but I don’t use it for such. My contest entry for the Zanctuary writing contest is dragging. It’s actually not flowing which makes it rough going aka work. I guess that should tell me something, huh?

Then yesterday’s blog post just flowed from my fingers when I was half asleep. The words were all perfect. I couldn’t really find any fault in the way I described it. It happened just like that in my dream, but I don’t know how I articulated it so well when I was half asleep and not yet caffeinated.

What kind of muse inspires something as perfect as yesterday’s bit when I’m not even awake, but can’t make Defending Your Love Life work? And where is this muse? Why does he hide on me all the time? He’s a total hit and run lover. Yesterday, he showed up, out of the blue, and fucked me in a good way. When I was working on Defending Your Love Life, the muse was there… but he was fucking me in the bad way. I’ve decided that there is nothing I can do but admit that, while I have a writing/creative muse… he’s also a Fuck Me Muse.

My muse takes great delight in fucking with me and fucking me. He hides out, snacking on my writing bites, getting fat and happy and giving me nothing but silence. Then he goes all bulimic, gets all buff and hard bodied and shows up to inspire something hot and riveting. He is a fickle fucker. I shouldn’t be able to sit down the way this muse fucks me up the ass repeatedly.

This weekend I’ve gotta figure out what I’m doing for this contest. I need another bit like yesterday’s. Longer and hotter though. Something I’ve never posted before. I mean, I was second last year. I gotta defend that and try for number one, don’t I?

I don’t have a lot of faith that my muse will show up, but you never know. I guess I should get the lube out just in case though, eh?

I Need A Shrink

Author: Winter  |  Category: dreams

He was hot. Hot in a way that made my knees weak. I could tell he didn’t really want to talk to me. He was edgy, and he kept looking at the door. The rest of his family stayed away though. That meant he had nothing to focus on but me. And he did. It was disconcerting.

His beauty was deadly. He totally slayed me with his dark eyes and his square jaw and hot body. My heart was racing and tumbling in my chest. The words he spoke were just ordinary ones. He said everything I expected him to say. There was nothing sexy or flirtatious about what he was saying. However, there was an expression at the back of his eyes that told me something far, far different than the words that fell from his lips.

His eyes were hot. And needy. Not needy bad, but needy good. The kind of needy that led to sweaty bodies and delicate touches and little moans of pleasure. One of those moans erupted from the back of my throat as I stared into his eyes. I couldn’t help myself. Looking at him was like looking at a Hometown Buffet when you’d been without food for months.

The sound of my moan affected him. How could it not? I knew I wasn’t the only one wrapped in this white hot heat of lust. But while I stared at him google eyed, unable to focus on the issues at hand, he’d been all business, only that expression in the back of his eyes giving away that he felt the same as I did. Now, that little snippet of sound was unleashing a beast. A beast that I knew would devour me. I was more excited than I could remember ever being.

His hand came up to brush my jawline. His body angled in closer to mine. I could smell his cologne. It was faint and overridden mostly by his own unique scent. I liked that. He wasn’t artificial. As his hand slid into my long hair and cupped the back of my head, I placed my palms on his rock hard chest. The muscles shifted beneath the thin t-shirt, and I could feel his heart thudding against my palm.

I looked up at him and saw that the expression in the back of his eyes had taken over. He wasn’t thinking about business at all now. He was thinking about me. He lowered his head. His lips brushed mine. I shivered, feeling as if an electrical current had just run through me. He kissed me softly and pulled back, looking into my eyes for a moment. Then he was kissing me harder. The tether that had held his desire in check, snapped.

Our bodies came together like waves hitting the beach. An inevitable meeting that gave pleasure and relief while pushing our desire to the edge of endurance. His mouth was hot and firm. The rough thrust of his tongue against mine held arrogance and urgency. The movements of his body were seductive. He held me in a primal manner, his body curved around me protectively, yet with a tenseness that came from his rising passion.

We kissed like this was our last kiss, instead of our first. My arms encircled his broad shoulders, my fingers finding his soft dark hair. The solid wall of muscle that was his chest crushed my breasts while his jean clad hips rubbed against me sinuously. Shivers of lust and some unnamed emotion rocked my body. I didn’t want to put a name to what I was feeling. I just wanted to enjoy it, the same way I wanted to enjoy the taste and feel of him.

The kissing session lasted for long minutes. We couldn’t get enough of each other. We’d progressed to hands sliding beneath shirts and into the waistbands of jeans, when voices in the next room brought us back to reality. He pushed me away from him, regret in his dark eyes. There was also a promise in those eyes though. A promise that we would soon finish what we had started this day. Later… tonight… him and me and nothing else.

I straightened my clothes, tugging at my top so that it covered my breasts again. He was buttoning his jeans. When we walked back into the huge lounge, it was empty. Whoever had been there was gone. He led me to the door.

“Do you want me to walk you to your car?” he asked, his voice low with a thread of protectiveness in it.

I shook my head. “No, I’m fine.”

We stared at each other for long moments. Then he sighed, his chest expanding with the air he took in. I had the urge to touch him again, but I knew that if I did, I would not be able to leave. I would beg him to just take me to his quarters and never let me go. I took two steps backward, out of the door. I didn’t know what to say to him. In the last ten minutes, he had changed my whole life.

“I’ll see you soon,” he murmured, his eyes filled with promise.

I nodded and turned away to walk to my car. The door closed behind me, and I tried to gather my scattered thoughts. Keys. Yeah, car keys. I needed them. I fumbled in my purse, my steps slow as I struggled to focus on the tasks at hand. Finally, the cool metal of the keys met my fingers. I drew a deep breath. My life was now on a path I had never envisioned. Anticipation rode me hard.

My steps began to pick up speed. I rounded the corner of the building, heading for the parking lot. That’s when I saw them. They were lined up along the side of the building, both men and women alike. His entire family. Armed. He stood dead center, his gun drawn. Our eyes met, mine startled, his warm with emotion, but stern with protectiveness. His older brother spoke.

“There’s a price on her head now. You’ve marked her as yours, now she’s ours to protect.”

He had? I was? I looked down at myself swiftly. I didn’t look any different. He began to smile at me. His eyes told me what I wanted to know. His brother’s word were correct. I was his now. I belonged to him, to this family that was ready to lay down their lives for me, all because he had seen me and wanted me.

I kept walking to my car, noticing that I had left the windows down about half an inch. That was stupid of me, I thought as I unlocked the door.

“He’s the wrong man to mate with, miss. Too bad I have to kill you now.”

The voice came from the vicinity of my knee caps. I looked down and saw a little red, ugly, slimy monster. He smiled apologetically, showing a row of razor sharp teeth. “My friends and I can’t resist the price on your head. His whole family has a price on their heads.”

All around me was the sound of fighting. I didn’t look. I didn’t want to see. The short, stubby red monster raised his arm, and I took a step back.

“Sorry,” he said.

My leg lashed out, the spike heel of my boot catching him between the eyes. I pulled my foot back and a great sucking noise came from the monster’s head as my heel pulled free of his flesh. He fell to the ground dead. I quickly opened my car door and got in, starting the engine and trying not to think about the goop that was on the heel of my expensive boots, probably ruining them.

That’s when I noticed another red slimy monster trying to squeeze itself into the car through the half inch opening in the window. I pressed the button and the window closed, cutting him in half. I winced and reached for the button to raise the driver’s side window and cut another monster in half. Gross. I started to put the car in gear when I noticed that the two halves of the two monsters were melding on the passenger seat. Double gross. I scooped them up in my hand before they became something dangerous that I would have to fight off. I opened my window and pushed them out, putting the car in gear and backing over them with a loud squishy pop.

As I drove away, I saw his entire family fighting off the little red monsters. His brothers, his sister, his sisters in law… and him. I rolled past him slowly, my eyes meeting his. The passion, the desire, it was still there, although he was focused on a grim task. I shivered. God, I wanted him so badly.

“I’ll call you later,” he mouthed as he killed another red monster.

My heart soared and I drove right through a line of red monsters, killing them…

Yeah, that was what I was dreaming as the alarm woke me this morning. I so need a shrink.

More, More, More!

Author: Winter  |  Category: Marcus Monday, Marcus Schenkenberg

Shades of Billy Idol screaming is what you’re thinking right now, right? Wrong! It’s just the return of my Marcus Monday. I flipped out just a tiny bit last night because Motley was watching TV in my room and she had on In Plain Sight. I was talking to someone in YIM who had expressed the desire to read the Bar and create a character so she can write with us. I glanced over and there’s this way good looking dude being worked over by a physical therapist. For about a minute, I thought it was Marcus. Then I realized something was off and I Googled the show and discovered that it was Christian de la Fuente.

Ahhh. I watch Larry King. I’d seen this guy before and thought he was way hot then. Now, my attraction was ratcheting itself way up the scale toward the Marcus level. Yum. As usual, my first thought was, I need to get dibs on this guy for the Bar before someone else does. And I remembered thinking I needed to save him for the Bar when I’d seen him on Larry King, but I hadn’t acted on it at all. Just so this doesn’t end up like me and Mozy, I’ll have to slap his photo on the Bar as a “to be named later” character.

At any rate, hot as Christian is, Marcus is still hotter. They have this snapshot thing at the sim where they ask long time players to answer a series of questions to give other players a “snapshot” of who they are… one of the questions is who would you want in the next bed if you had to be bedridden in the hospital for 6 months. My first thought was Marcus, of course, but then I wondered if that was a good idea. I mean, bed ridden? I would either be sick or in pain. Certainly not at my best. Would I want a hot guy seeing me like that?

After my second thought passed, the third one came to the fore. I realized that all the hot guys I’ve been with in the past weren’t attracted to me because of my looks. Six months with Marcus and the guy would have to know something of who I am. Either he would find that attractive or he wouldn’t. If he didn’t, oh well. And maybe I wouldn’t find him attractive anymore if I spent that much time with him. I mean, I’m not all about the abs and the pecs usually.

When people wish that they could spend more time with someone, do they really want that? Wouldn’t that spoil half the relationships out there? Because odds are, lots of relationships have a balance and part of that balance is how much time you spend with the other person. Lots of people are making it as a couple because they don’t live in each other’s back pockets.

Personally, that would bug the shit out of me. I need my personal time and space. Chances are, six months in the same room with Marcus, and I would walk out of there wondering what I ever saw in him in the first place. Of course, six months in the same room with anyone would probably do that to me. Still, I can dream of how awesome it would be spend six days in bed with that body. HEH. Oh, yeah. That thought is almost enough to get me typing stewardesses…

Have a great Monday!

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