I am not here today. I am over at Snackie’s World trying to figure out if I can eat the cupcakes on her tree. Hmmn. That sounds like a euphemism for something sexual, doesn’t it? You should totally head over to Hilly’s and see if it is a euphemism! After all, I do kinda have a rep for writing naughty things so you never know what I might have in store for…
Have a great Sunday!
Pssst! They’re back. My characters from the Bar. They like coming here and hanging out sometimes when I’m busy. And lately, I’ve been busy writing at the Bar. Last time out, Carlisle and Lex guest posted for me. This time it’s Weylyn. Try not to drool too much. *wink* BTW - “were” is not were… it’s WEAR. Short for werewolf.
Woah! This is much different than I’m used to. I mean, I play bass in a band. Usually, I’m up all night sleep all day. Or in my case, fuck all day. I’m just your average every day were-horn dog. If it has a pulse and excites me in some way, I will fuck it. Tall, short, fat, thin, male, female. I don’t have a preference. They just have to engage my interest in some way. Brainless groupies aren’t much my thing any longer, so if you’re beautiful, but you don’t have a thought in your head that is original, move along.
Now, I will be the first person to tell you that I will fuck anything. Truth be told though, I won’t. A person has to draw the line somewhere, right? If you’ve got an STD, take a hike. Werewolves have a keen sense of smell. I can smell the clap a hundred yards away. And if you’re stupid enough to try to get with me when you’re diseased, I have no qualms telling everyone in hearing distance why I won’t fuck you. Sure, that’s spoiling your fun for the night, but I’d rather protect the innocent than let you get your rocks off infecting people.
Another thing that’s a turn off is dumbasses. Asshats. Oh, and mean girls. Believe me, everyone knows when they are one of those, they just choose to act as if they aren’t. So if you are one of those, and you come on to me, you are asking for a major set down. I will put your ass in it’s place so fast it will make your ego spin. I don’t like to waste time that could be spent getting off, playing music, or eating. So don’t piss me off and waste my time hitting on me. I will make you sorry that you did.
Groupies and sycophants annoy me. Why do those people insist on thinking that just because I’m a musician and I like to get laid, I am stupid enough to fuck them? It’s frustrating, I tell you. Being a sexual revolutionary does not mean I’m stupid. I am smarter than the average were. Never underestimate me.
That reminds me, never underestimate the power of my charm either. You’re afraid to fuck me because you’re older than me? I will make you feel young again. Worried about fucking me because I make more money than you? We’ll eat at McDonald’s. Concerned that you’re not attractive, that you’re too short, too bald, too fat, too skinny, too something? Hey, if I want you, why would you worry about any of those things? When I want someone, I make sure that they know that. And if I can see that you are a short, skinny, balding guy or a fat, dumpy, woman with gray roots, and I still want you… then you must know that there is something right about you. Because, I don’t pick my partners lightly.
You see, I may be a horn dog, but I’m still selective. People matter. Who they are. Not what they look like. The best blow job I ever had was a girl with so many freckles she was afraid to go out in public for fear of being made fun of. However, the fact that I liked her, her quirky sense of humor, her racy turn of mind, her openness to trying new things, showed her that she was beautiful where it counted. And she was great in the sack. Best blow job I ever had. Uhh, I said that already, didn’t I? Sorry.
Don’t ever think that who you are is meaningless. I don’t happen to think that’s true. And you can scoff all you like and say that it’s easy for me to say that when I’m young and talented and good looking and people want me. Just because I am those things doesn’t mean I couldn’t have self doubts. I appreciate people who think and live and feel. So don’t sell yourself short and hide in your house because you’re not one of the pretty people. Some of us out here don’t measure people that way. Your odds of me wanting to fuck you are just as good as the other guy’s. Or girl’s. I’m an equal opportunity kind of guy, ya know.
So look. I don’t wanna hear about the things you think you aren’t, or the things you think you can’t be, or even the things that you truly aren’t. I want to know who and what you ARE. In the now. In the moment. All those sexual fantasies you have bottled up inside you? Bring ‘em on! Let’s give them a go! Don’t be afraid. If I like you, I like you. Which generally means I’ll fuck you. Grab my ass like it’s a piece of your life and let’s get on this rollercoaster ride cause there is no time like the present for having some fun.
This is too philosophical for you, isn’t it? You’re just used to me just getting my rocks off. Well, I like getting my rocks off, but I wanted you all to know that you have value. I’d fuck you. Really. And I don’t say that lightly despite what you may have heard… or read. I gotta work on my rep a little, I guess. Maybe this guest posting thing will help. Ya think?
Since I am guest blogging over at The Kyra Sutra, I thought I would throw a hodge podge of things at you here. Something simple. I figured I would pimp a few things, show off a couple pics, rant and bitch a little, and uh, tease you. Of course, such a simple idea can snowball if you’re talking to Shiny when you’re spouting off your ideas. She said, “Ooh, pimpin’ stuff on Friday. What a great end to the week!” I’m thinking, I wasn’t gonna do THAT much pimping. Then she got really quiet and I wondered if she went to get coffee… Oh, no. That would have almost been better than what she did go do. She popped up fairly quickly and dropped a link into the IM window. What appeared was this:
You’re laughing. I know I did. I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants. (Must stop drinking so much Diet Dr. Pepper.) I’m not crazy about the hat, but I LOVE the Pimp Goblet. Or whatever they call it. So now, because Shiny went to so much trouble to ensure that this is Big Pimp’N Friday, I give you, my pimps of the week:
Greg from the horse racing sim didn’t like any of the music I posted this week. Therefore, this pimp is for Superhopper, a band near and dear to Greg’s heart. If Greg comes online before I finish writing this post I’ll get a picture of Kermit, the singer, to add to this. The pic I’m thinking of is a must see. The music rocks and my fave is the very first song!
Next, on my pimp list is a message board near and dear to MY heart. It’s run by a hot young Scottish lad who stands 6′10″. It’s called Zanctuary and the folks there love new people. Most of the members are female, so if you are male and you like being hit on, having your ego stroked, and pretty much having a harem, this message board could be for you! However, since some of the people are, ahem, sexually open (into BDSM, bisexual, etc) you shouldn’t go there if you aren’t like minded, or at least quite tolerant. Women may find the place rather fun too, but I really think the men would like it more. I’ve brought a bunch of guys there. They all love the attention!
I want to give a shout out to some people with new blogs. First up is Shiny. She was supposed to write a rant about how she wanted to be the only Shiny, only to discover there is a male Shiny. I haven’t been there yet to see if she did. However, we can all run over there and check her out at RxVenomQueen’s Thoughts. Now, the male Shiny is apparently a new blogger too! His blog is quite amusing. You have to read the one with the email to his brother using spam. Shiny, the man, can be found at Shiny’s Takeout. Now, if I tout Her Shinyness, I must also tout My Biotch, Mary. Mary’s blog is no frills. So is her writing, but you will still come away with a chuckle at the very least. Mary’s Two Cents from Flippen is worth a read. Oh, and there’s hotties today. Woot! And last but never least, is the gal that everyone knows from her comments. Hellohahanarf opened up shop and boy, is she doing some hot biz! You will find her standing on a Midnight Cliff.
Mr. Fabulous has a CLEAVAGE CONTEST going on at his blog and he posted his cubicle for all to see. In honor of his cubicleness, I am posting a pic of my office, which isn’t an office. It’s just a big desk in a big room with a bunch of other desks. This pic was taken last October, but nothing much has changed. Just my computer’s desktop and our phone system. That’s the old phone in the left corner of the pic, and a hot Scotsman on my desktop. I put a screenshot of my blog on my desktop every morning now.
Matt-Man is gearing up for a BIG weekend. After all, Friday is GOOD Friday, and we know Matt is yummy and good. He’s really been on it with the religious stuff recently, but his meatlessness will be at an end this weekend. I’m sure there will be many “Praise Jeebus” choruses heard in Bagwine in the next 72 hours. Not being a Catholic, although I have some crazy baptismal certificate that says I’m one, I don’t know much about all this religious stuff. I coulda sworn Palm Sunday was a masturbatory holiday. Swing by Matt’s place and see how he’s preparing to partake of meat once more.
Now, don’t forget that I’m supposed to be going over to The Kyra Sutra to post some fuction, er fiction about butt sex. Turnbaby got the crowd all hot and bothered with some hot Southern style lunchtime sex, and I am gonna deliver some explicit California style erotica where my heroine gives up her little rosebud to our tatted down hero. Yes! A chance to be free of my home-blog constraints! If Kyra can post Dean’s naked ass on her blog, I can certainly post some fiction about a fairy taking it up the ass.
That’s it for the Big Pimp’N Friday post. Come see how outrageous I get over at Kyra’s. Cause ya know, we all need a little fuction sometimes!
