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Motley’s birthday is today. She is nineteen. If you go to her blog, you can see her boobs. Happy birthday, baby!

Since it’s Friday and I haven’t pimped anything in a long time, I decided I would pimp my friend Jen because she’s cool, and her rack is hot, and she’s single. So welcome to Big Pimpin’ Friday, Indiana style!

My friend Jen writes at the Bar. That’s where I met her. She’s a pretty cool lady. Very smart. Great with a snarky comeback. She lives and works in the Indianapolis area. She has a nice job, owns her own home, and has a dog… a boxer, not some pansy ass dog. There are things about Jen that no man can pass on, unless he’s gay. I mean, really, who can remain blase in the face of cheerleaders like these?

Yeah, she’s stacked pretty good. But the best part isn’t the fact that she’s got a rack that will render you mindless with lust. She’s very amusing. She makes me laugh all the time which means she ain’t boring. I, personally, do not feel that the creator of Alaric Kohl could ever be boring. However, Jen has what, to me, is a flaw. You men will not think this is a flaw. You will think she is a goddess. She likes basketball. *cringe*

Now, I played basketball in junior high and high school, but I never liked watching it. I was always more of a horse racing, auto racing, football kind of girl. Jen went to the Big Ten Tournament. On purpose. She took with her, a male friend of mine from the horse racing sim who is a Wisconsin fan. She spent four whole days living basketball, with only a short time out on Friday for her grandma’s funeral. She even turned on Sports Center when she got home! Now, that is a dedicated b-ball fan, my friends.

So now that you know that she’s into basketball, has a great rack, is smarter than a whip and can wield one on your ass with skill if that is what you like, you’re wondering what the catch is right? I think the catch is that she’s single. Men are afraid of single successful women these days. But I just don’t understand that. Someone needs to help me out here.

This woman has gone on a number of dates since I’ve known her. Men just fade away on her. They peter out and drift off like snowflakes in a high wind. Tell me what the hell this woman is missing? I mean, Hello! I don’t see anything wrong with this picture. If she sent you a pic like one of those up there, I know damn good and well, that you bloggers would have been twatting your fingers off about getting a boob shot. Wouldn’t you?

So, fill my comments with some luv, people. I wanna know why you think single, successful women with big boobs can’t find decent men. Are they all gay? Are they all chickenshit? Do they all want skinny, underfed, designer clothes wearing, air headed, calender girls? What is going on in the world today that a cute woman with a rack can’t find a relationship except with her vibrator?

Jen’s gonna kill me for pimpin’ her, but you know what? If someone can educate me regarding her - and other successful women in their 30’s - lack of male attention, then it will be worth it. Oh, and… *whispers in an aside* if you wanna talk to Jen, send me a twat or an email or YIM. I’ll set you up with her YIM. HEH. I’m just evil, aren’t I? But trust me on this, Jen sizzles. She is soooo not a prude! Okay, I better shut up now before I give her enough fuel to roast me with if she finds out I posted this. Shhhh. Don’t tell on me. She doesn’t read this blog.

Oh, yeah. She gives good presents too!

Now that my pimpin’ is done, I’m outtie. Have a great Friday, people! MUAH!

I gotta talk about the Bar today. The reason for this is that I’m looking for inspiration. Or motivation. Not sure which. It’s funny how those two things can become interchangeable. And actually, I think my problem is distraction, not inspiration or motivation. Too many “shun” words for a Saturday morning, I think. My head’s already buzzing and I haven’t even had a glass of water yet.

Distraction is in the form of the lovely pre-paid card that I use on the internet. It’s not attached to my bank accounts so I feel a lot better about using it online. I went to albertsons.com last night and did my grocery shopping for the next two weeks. $97 later, I’m ready to check out. Card declined. WHAT? You fuckers, it’s freaking PAYDAY. No way is my card declined. Then I think, shit… new girl doing payroll. She coulda effed up anything. I call the automated system. “Account balance $513.76. There are no pending deposits or transactions at this time.”

Now, I’m really going WTF? I try to get a live person. Instead, I get the “If you need to speak to a live customer service representative, please call back between our normal business hours of 9 am to 5 pm Pacific time, Monday thru Friday.” I’m really stewing now. All the stuff I planned to do this weekend has now been fucked up. For some reason, even though there is plenty of money on the card, whatever I try to do gives back a “declined”. Grrrrr.

I had to call the cable company and tell them I will WALK a payment in. The girl at Time Warner was very helpful and sympathetic. She said if I didn’t really feel like walking the payment in, she would just give me an extension so I could call in the payment once the card issue was resolved. Why couldn’t the card company be this easy and assessable? All the bills were pretty accommodating. Apparently, this is a common card problem so all the companies I was going to pay were willing to wait a few days for payment until the situation was cleared up. That was great! Except for my groceries.

I’m sitting here with my stomach growling and my brain set on Grrrr because I can’t get my groceries delivered. I have food. I bought $176 bucks worth 2 weeks ago and then ate out most of last week. My cupboards are pretty full. It’s the principle though. I give you my freaking money and pay 50 cents a transaction PLUS $5 a month to use this card online. The least they could do is let me use it when there’s clearly a bunch of money on it!

Okay, enough about my distract-SHUN. On to my motiva-SHUN. I wanna write. I’m trying to put myself into writing mode because I do have stuff I need - want - to crank out. However, I think the distraction has affected my motivation. My annoyance level is high and my mind isn’t on Griffin the way it should be when I’m about to start a post about him getting ready to attend his newfound sister’s wedding. So maybe my motivation isn’t quite where it should be yet. If I write Griffin now, will he be all pissy and angry? Will that be a waste of my writing time if I have to edit the whole freaking thing to change how he sounds?

This brings me to inspira-SHUN. Griffin is a complex character. He has a lot of twisted things happening in his life. He’s supposed to be on edge and nervous, faced with a situation where he clearly wants to be accepted, but he’s feeling apprehensive and cautious because his newfound brother thinks he’s a monster. He’s going to need some hand holding to make it through this event, so he’s looking to his best friend since childhood to attend with him. He’s also going to wonder what his new family will think if he brings a man to the wedding. Of course, he knows that there is a simple explanation for why he’s bringing Roman. Roman is not only his best friend, he’s his business partner. When Griffin went to Paris to meet his long lost family, Roman accompanied him. Griffin does know other people in Paris - females - but his new family doesn’t know that. They do know he arrived with his business partner so maybe they won’t question the fact that he’s shown up with a man at an event where everyone has a date.

Hmmn. I’m starting to feel the pull. The annoyance is receding and my characters are calling me. if I make myself some food will I lose the little bit of headway I’ve made toward recapturing my groove? Or will the growling and pain in my empty gut be yet another distract-SHUN?

BANG! CRASH! THUMP! I think the decision was just made for me. I’m now looking at two very guilty orange faces. Something has gone down in the living room. The Feral Brothers are looking at me like they are in trouble. If I haul my ass up to check it out, I might as well make breakfast. So, I’m off to clear away the disaster - or call Motley to - and make some chow. Hopefully, when I return to this computer the twats won’t keep me from getting into Griffin’s head and turning out his post about his sister’s wedding.

Wish me luck.

I’m a little melancholy. Missing Rott I guess for one. For another, people in general sometimes get me down. (See the rant below.) I spent part of Sunday photoshopping Marcus. I stuck him into a pic with a girl in a designer dress. Then I photoshopped Kelly Monaco’s face on the girl. It’s not a very good job. I was distracted. The upshot is that if I had really worked on the details it would look much better. It’s for the Bar, so it doesn’t have to be some fantastic thing.

The picture is because Lex and Alaric are going to a wedding. Lex, who is starting to show her pregnancy a little, doesn’t fit in the dress she was going to wear, which would allow her to wear the very expensive Manolo Blahnik’s she wore at her own wedding. So Lex has to choose a different dress. The post is about how Lex comes to realize that her body is about to undergo some major changes, and at the end of it all, her life will be decidedly different.

When I first wrote Lex, she was a background character, meant to fuck one of the main characters, get dumped by him, and eventually end up dead. But Lex is tenacious. She wanted to live. She wanted a chance at her own story. She refused to do what I had originally planned for her. Now, Lex is probably the most 3 dimensional character that I have. I invest a lot of myself in her too. So when I did the 6 word memoir and realized that Lex is the best vehicle I have as a writer, I created The Lexography. The Lexography is Lex’s biography. Told in diary format from her voice, and the voices of those who love her. If you’re interested in Lex, you will find the link to the Lexography on the sidebar to the right. The girl with fangs won’t be posted here on Tuesdays any longer.

I have a little rant that I wanna get off my chest now. Have you ever been in IM or chat or on a MB with someone who disliked you, but was being passive aggressive about it? They make these little remarks that are digs, but they cover them, attribute them to someone else, or backtrack so you don’t call them on it? Usually, I call them on it anyway because it annoys the hell out of me. I would much rather people say right up front what they think so I, and everyone else, knows that they don’t like me. Then I don’t have to make nicey nice and talk to them anymore. And everyone else will not expect me to.

The problem I have these days is that there are places where I am the admin and/or moderator. I’m not supposed to be confrontational. There are five places on the net where I have this job. Five places where I have to take the high road and let people speak to me in snide asides. It goes against the grain with me, but I agreed to take these jobs so I’m not about to let others down by not doing the right thing. What kills is that sometimes these queens of passive aggressive behavior use that against me. They know they can throw as much below the radar crap at me as they like, and I cannot retaliate or respond. They revel in the fact that they can do this. It’s pathetic.

I bet you want to know why they don’t like me, these passive aggressive queens. As near as I can figure it, it’s because I’m me. I come into a chatroom or a board and I talk to people. I joke and tease and flirt. Sometimes other women do not like this about me. They think I do this to draw all the attention to myself. They are resentful and it shows in their little remarks to me, and in the way they draw the man’s (men’s) attention back to them by talking about something I am not privvy to.

Now, I’ve been on this planet for awhile. There’s stuff I know. First off, it’s freaking typing, people. Second, what’s wrong with a little fun? It’s not like I’m inviting your husband to cheat on you. Third, it’s not about me, it’s about others, making them smile and have fun. I don’t even post a lot on some of these boards, so when I do, I wanna have fun! Fourth, you don’t OWN those men that I talk to on the boards and chatrooms. Some of them are married or have girlfriends. You do not have dibs on them! And yes, I talk to women too! Not just the guys. Although, the way these P-A-Qs act, you’d think all I do is go around to MBs and chats and steal “their” men. Sheesh.

I tell myself that this is nothing. They prolly have pathetic lives in dead end jobs, no boyfriend or husbands or kids… or they have those things and are unhappy with them. Hell, I could BE them. The difference is, I choose not to be. I choose to fill the empty places with things I enjoy. Creative things like that stupid little photoshop pic, or writing Lex, or calling in to Turnbaby’s show and singing a really bad rendition of the Yogi Bear song because I’ve forgotten the words because my dinner is burning. (Smoke sucks.) I just have to content myself that the high road is the better way to go and ignoring barbs is good for the soul.

Okay, rant over and it’s time to add up the Marcus’ for this week. Fab picked up 7 this week followed by Mary with 6, Matt and Shiny with 5, Susan with 3, and Livvy with 2. There’s a whole host of people who got 1 each. Most of them on my TT about the cemetery. Why is it that people are so very curious about the cemetery?

Anyway, since it’s been 4 weeks since our last update here’s how the numbers shake out in terms of the top 5: Mary-68, Matt-53, Shiny-52, Susan-47, and Fab-37. Maybe it should be whoever gets to 100 first wins or whoever has the most come June 1. Next time around, I’ll do the contest different. I’m liking how Matt does the COW.

By the way, I’m still battling with Wordpress on my writing blog. If anyone knows someone who can answer q’s for me and maybe mentor me a little, I would much appreciate it. I need to make the errors go away and do a couple of little tweaky things, but I’m having a helluva time finding answers in all the miles of Wordpress docs, forums, and codex. I don’t need someone to do it for me, I just need someone to point me in the right direction so I can fix it myself.

That’s it for this Monday. Have a great start to the week everyone! MUAH!

Why is it that everyone assumes that you watch TV? My boss comes out of his office and says, “Hey did you see such and such last night on the History Channel?” When I say no, he kinda looks at me blankly. The same thing happened today with one of the Bar writers. He mentioned a character from Stargate Atlantis and I said, “No clue. I don’t watch TV.” One of the other writers had to use a character from a novel as the analogy - Adrian the Betrayer. Ok, Adrian I know. Ronon from Stargate, big blank. I wonder if I’m missing some character opportunities here by not watching TV series.

Now, it’s really not fair of me to say I don’t watch TV because I do. I can show you the cable and electricity bills that prove it. I just don’t watch the big 3 networks nor do I watch series television. I used to but it all bores me now and I get antsy sitting looking at the tube through all the commercials and stuff. I watched pretty much the entire Sopranos show over the years. The last two seasons were hard for me to sit through though.

What I watch is TVG. I’m a horse racing idiot. I love it. Sometimes I like it on in the background while I’m working so I can look over and watch all the really good races and the interviews which are often informative or funny. I love Matt Carruthers. He cracks me up. But no one else I know, except the simmers at derbyfever.com, even know who he is.

I watch the Weather Channel too. I like the storm and disaster stories. That’s me rubbernecking like an idiot ogling a car accident on the 22 freeway. That Jim Cantore… hot. Dude is way hot. The other thing I watch is CNN. I am nuts about CNN. I think I got addicted to it during the first Gulf War when they were broadcasting through the bombing. It was amazing. One of the high points of television’s history to me.

Truthfully, while Larry King is ok and Wolf Blitzer is too, I hate the morning program at CNN. I miss Soledad O’Brien. I hate Kieran Chetry. She couldn’t even say the name ZOE correctly on the New Year’s Eve show! God, I cringed. What a MORON! She was distracting me from my main reason for watching… Anderson Cooper. God I love that man. His sense of humor, the way he pokes fun at himself… but the dude is smart. Way, f-ing smart. I don’t mind the grey hair either. Heh… he has more than me! Woot!

All the speculation about whether he’s gay or not… who gives a shit? I sure don’t. I just love the man. I don’t care who he has sex with as long as I can turn on CNN and see him smile at me. And I really think he’s one of those people who cares about his viewers in the sense that he doesn’t see us as cattle but as people who watch him to become informed. I honestly don’t think he has a fat head about himself. I love him so much I even have an Anderson Cooper wallpaper… he’s in a red CNN jacket being buffeted by Katrina. The high point of my love for the man, that I would put him on my desktop. What can I say? If you make it to my desktop you are golden.

So really… I watch TV. I just don’t watch the stuff YOU watch. I watch a little football sometimes. I watch Speed Channel sometimes… usually the Craftsman Truck Series cuz it’s on after TVG Quarters is finished on the weekend. You know, Jen even got me to watch an entire episode of Men In Trees once. Ok, I fell asleep for about 15 minutes in the beginning half because it was boring and Scott Elrod wasn’t in that half hour much. I even tried to watch that Moonlight vamp show because Victor Webster was on. My co-worker Linda keeps saying the vamp is so fine… but pffft. Vic just blew him away for looks. I will watch Victor Webster any day. Um, except that day… I only managed about 15 minutes. Then I got antsy and bored and changed back to CNN.

I guess I have a You Tube attention span these days. I can watch the Mean Kitty Song over and over. Hey little Sparta… And Gunther… too f-ing funny! Do NOT mention the jar of dirt one to me though. I’m not that big a Johnny Depp fan. Ok, I’m done. I guess I just wanted to say that I really do watch TV. It’s just that I would be a lot more interested in the medium if there was an Anderson Cooper channel.

Laters peeps!